Friday, January 21, 2011

Attachment parenting

I'm writing this while Eric gives Ceddy a bath....and I'm having a mommy break...a much needed mommy break.

Attachment parenting is something Eric and I practice.  I practiced it with Spen when he was little before I even knew there really was a name for what I did.  Here are the 7 Baby b's for attachments parenting....

1. birth bonding...I breastfed both babies immediately after birth and did skin to skin bonding.  I loved having them lay on my chest with skin to skin touching.  I loved holding onto their tiny hands and studying their little features.

2. Breastfeeding.  I did with both boys, but kinda quit early.  For some reason I get mastitis and depression every time I breastfeed.  I felt horrible quitting, but if momma isn't happy, no one is happy.

3. Babywearing...I held spen.  I had no clue about slings or wraps then.  But I held that baby every where we went and all day long. He was attached to my hip and along we would go.  I wore Ceddy out and about and during the day a lot when he was younger.  He's more independent.  It's nuts how independent he is.  He still likes to get in his sling and walk around, but I know he would rather he running right now.

4. Bedding close to baby.  I did this with both babies.  Spen I co-slept.  Cedric had a co-sleeper that attached to our bed and he now still sleeps in our room.  He will give me cues to when he is ready to go to his room.  Nighttime is scary for babies.  It breaks my heart thinking they have NEVER been alone and why just since a child is born should I FORCE him into getting used to being alone?  It's amazing how ass backwards most of america is and the data they spit forth about how they should get used to being alone?  They should to make themselves go to sleep.  Really?  People have been sleeping next to their babies from the beginning of time and I really do not see how making a newborn sleep in their own room is beneficial for more than anyone other than the parents.

5. Belief in the Language value of your baby's cry.  I really never have believed in letting a child "cry it out".  Esp when they are young.  Now that Cedric is older and I can tell his tired cries from his series ones, then I will admit I do hang back and see if he soothes himself.  But not in the beginning.  I learned with both boys their different cries and learned how to decipher them.  Esp when they were young I answered them with open mommy arms and hugs.  That is a babies natural way to get what they need and even if it is for a hug, or reassurance they should be answered.

6. Beware of baby trainers...kinda the same answer as above...just that I really take no head of "helpful" advice from people who do not practice the parenting style I do.

7. Balance....this is the hardest and trickiest.   We take our children with us everywhere.  I personally feel guilty if I do not expose them to new things I get to experience. I want my kids to see everything I do and more.   I know there will be a time they will be on their own and I can do all that I like.  But from the moment they were born we have incorporated them into our daily lives.  From grocery shopping to restaurants. My oldest can hold his own at a 5 start restaurant better than some men I know.  I kinda think exposing them young and having them grow up within things that you love to do allows for you to not lose your mind. Ha...I couldn't imagine not dining out, or going out in public because I can't handle the kids. It's a very hard task to find balance in being a good parent and having me or couple time.  I think a lot is mind power.  Telling yourself you can do it and pushing forward.  Eric and I still sneak off and do couple stuff.  This is farther apart then I like, but we really do not have the means right now for more.  We do everything ourselves.  I hate asking grandparents to watch the kids...and they have their own I'm reminded often..  So Eric and I take turns on having me moments.  I can honestly say my kids are awesome because of attachment parenting and the lifestyle it encompasses.  I know it's not for everyone.  But it works for us.  Balance is hard.  While Eric has been traveling I have been on my own again.  My heart goes out to all the single parents out there.  Esp the single parents that are awesome parents.  It is beyond tough, and my hat goes off to you.  I can remember being a single mom.  It's hard!  I had a mom and family helping me out, but still the balance is swayed and you are always feeling something is missing out.  The guilt you feel from working, to going out to socialize or the guilt you feel for yourself for not going out.  It's a double edged sword.  It seems parenthood is full of those moments.  They say a human brain cannot do two things at once and one thing will always be neglected somewhat when doing two things at once.  Hence, why I'm not jumping head first into my work or the work force.  I love my babies, and I love being able to go to their school functions or hold ceddy while he drifts off to sleep.  These are precious moments I can never get back.  But on the flip business could be booming, I could be rolling in money or I could be out socializing more.  But I choose the snuggles over the other.  I know a lot of parents have to work.  I had to.  I hated it.  I can remember crying driving to Humana because my little guy had begged me not to go.  I used to leave lipstick kisses on his face when I left every morning so he could see I loved on him when he woke up.  I have lived one crazy rocky life and have seen the view of the spectrum from both sides and the mommy side wins every time.  I'm sure once Ceddy starts preschool I'll start working more.  But until then...I'll enjoy this time.

Both parents need to practice AP...if not it's one parent DOING EVERYTHING for a child. Not fair.  I feel like it's absurd for one person to be the one and all.  I stay at home...but my hubs shares in the parenting.  We split chores and he helps out greatly.   My ex was a jerk who would say that I "chose" to stay home and therefore was responsible for everything in the household...child included.  I can honestly say I could count on one hand how many times he bathed him.  Anything out of public view was all for me to do.  I had to cook, clean and take care of the 1950's of me...gag....oh how that relationship crashed and burned.  But I learned what not to do and learned what I wanted out of a partner.  I have been through hell...but I ended up with a great man and partner out of that horrid time. So yay for that!


I forgot to post this last night...I was called away from the computer.  I'm currently on hold with LG & assholness E.  They are claiming they did not receive our last payment....although I'm starring at it on my bank account having been removed.  I think I've entered purgatory at some point unaware and this shall be my task for the next 100 years or so...ok...dramatic yes, but I hate being on hold!!!

The kids are off school today.  I was happy I didn't have to get up early and make breakfast and pack spen's lunch.  It was a nice sleep in moment, until Ceddy started singing...heheheheee.  He's funny. 

Just put the phone down on speaker.  I really do not think their representatives are there.

Ok, it's hardcore workout time!!!  I want to get my ass in shape and feeling better.  I have a date with the ab cruncher and treadmill today.  We shall see if I show up...

GRRRRRRRR!!! I just waited a small eternity to find out they received my payment and a phone call was incorrectly sent out warning of disconnection.  I hate LG&E!!! to get the day started....

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