Saturday, February 27, 2010

It's a pity party everyones invited...

Ok Eric is working this weekend and next.  His work is yet again implementing a new system.  Blah blah blah...all I know is he works extremely hard for that company and he should be handsomely rewarded for his efforts.  But anyhoo....I'm bummed I have to have a weekend without him.  He's in Louisville just tied to his computer somewhere in nerdville.

Let the pity party begin...........

- I scored some awesome fabric for bibs...I love the blue cupcake's blue so it's boyish....and the damask is really pretty.  One problem...I suck at sewing.  I'm the chick who used stitch witch for curtains.  I'm super bummed because I tried to sew today and royally fudged now I have to wait for hubby to get home and fix my machine.  Yes, my husband sews better than me.

- I need a break,  I'm about to lose my ever lovin mind!!!!

The baby is up...short lived I go.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Food for thought...

Have you ever saw yourself on video or in a picture and thought...holy hell I'm fat.  What the hell happened to me?  Yeah...I had one of those moments today...Just when I thought I was doing good with my diet...I was yet again reminded how much weight I have gained....ok pointeless note...carry on....

I must....

- go to the grocery....I'm out of everything :(
- Get dressed...I'm sitting here in a bra and sweat pants because I was painting the boys bathroom and ceddy was not having any of mom to the rescue... painting shirt had to come off to hold a screaming baby...
- finish painting the boys bathroom.  somehow....
-decide what new color to paint my bath and possible bedroom....eric will love this idea...eyes rolling
- make my sling...poor sewing project I have not forgotten about you.
- make a new craft project...thanks to the goddess martha stewart...head bows, an adorable mobile I plan on making ceddy.

I plan on making it more boyish...with different colors and no flowers.  Well, see.
- clean...everything and anything in my house..period.
-at some point i need to clean the fridge and the microwave....maybe when hell freezes over.

I'm giggly new bedding comes in tomorrow.  I have no idea what it looks like in person...there was no reviews online about it.  So fingers crossed it's not too ugly.  Our bedroom needs a drastic makeover.  As does my hair.

I'm down another half pound.  I have 28.5 pounds to get to my goal weight.  Wish me luck.  I need to really start working out.  Sitting in bed watching tv lifting 2 pound weights really doesn't count.  ha!

Monday, February 22, 2010

New must have.....

Pink cupcake rainboots...need I say more???

Yesterday in picture form....

Yesterday was a gorgeous day out so we took a walk around the neighborhood.  It was so nice to be able to be outside and see the sun.  I hope this weather last!!!  My Easter lilies are starting to come up even surrounded by snow.
I look horrific, no makeup and a wacky ponytail with Eric's hoodie, oh well.  My boys look cute...Ceddy was amazed by whatever he was seeing from his stroller and Spen was being silly throwing snowballs and stepping in the mud. 
The lovely tire mark I left in my yard right before the snow.  I think the snow only amplified it's ugliness and made it worse.  I do this every would think I would know where my driveway ends and begins...durrrrrr Below is a cute sign I saw on someones door...I think it's sweet.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Self awareness...

Self awareness is a foreign concept to some people, but at some point one must wake up to their life look around and realize they have a hand in some of the outcomes laying before them.  Who you surround your self with, the negative thoughts that run through your mind, and the decisions that you make everyday no matter how minuet they may seem all dictate your life.  I'm not speaking of people inflicted with illness, disease, or death...but the simple people who whine and complain that life sucks simply need to step up and take control of their life.  if you surround yourself with losers, negative thinkers or mere jerkfaces then at some point that will creep in.  Sounds all like common sense to me...but most people lack it.

I normally do not comment about my political or religious views on here, but something has really been bothering me.  How certain "super christian" people do not realize that anything that consumes you, anything that you obsess over, anything that is too exactly that.  I know a few people like that.  I think a lot of times these people are followers clinging to a life they need to live to feel justified.  They need to feel like they are living for a cause. They need to belong with other people.  These are often the people who fear what others think and secretly contemplate are they "christian enough" behind closed doors. It's funny to me because they really don't see how they are so similar to the people they condemn to hell.  Too much of anything is a bad thing.  When does it stop becoming a religion and start becoming an obsession is an important question these individuals need to ask themselves.  Not every book you read has to be devoted to God.  Not every movie nor every blog entry or update must pertain to the God.  It's kinda depressing how they belittle God, they think they must dedicate every aspect of their lives to God, but lack the true understanding of him.  He created you, and I'm sure he would want you to enjoy the life he has given you.  I highly doubt God is a narcissistic creator as many Christians lead others to believe.  He is understanding and all loving.  It blows my mind how so many christians cannot grasp that.  They speak of his love, and grace, but have no clue to what it truly means.  They walk around trying to be perfect when in their hearts know no one is.  I believe God has a sense of humor.  It would only make sense if it is a characteristic that we have...he would share.

Another aspect of Christianity that annoys me is the judging.  Who are we to judge another?  I mean really, who's right is it to judge another persons sexuality, lifestyle or beliefs.  If God created a person, I'm sure he made them the way they are for a reason.  There are few times I feel is it ok to discuss a persons life in judgment....and that is when children are involved or abuse is occurring.  I have no patience for abusers and people who simply are selfish.  That has nothing to do with religious views, but rather simple respect of fellow humans.  Being selfish and choosing to abuse is not a personal right or "the way someone was born", it's choosing to make that decision and following through with your actions.
I hate claiming my religion as christian because often times I'm lumped into the large amount of cruel judgmental christians that have no real concept of Christianity.  These people simply want to belong to a club, they want to be the norm and jump on whatever bandwagon that is socially acceptable that day.  I know I'm not perfect, I know that I make stupid decisions, I know I like to cuss, I like to laugh and most of all I am not politically correct and have a dark sided sense of humor, but God made me this way : )  So I will not purge myself from my feelings, emotions nor will I turn my back from my gay friends, friends who are atheists or strangers with different lifestyles or beliefs.  To me Christianity is Christ like and Jesus was a hippie who hung out with the whores, thieves and basically a lot of the rejects of the day.  Forcing your views down others throats is not the "christian" thing to do, but simply rude thing to do.  Live by example, be a good person and let others see how good you truly are by your actions.

Me personally I believe there are different paths to God.  I think it's arrogant to believe otherwise and that any one religion is the "only " way.  I'm a christian because this is how I was raised and the path I have chosen.  But I will never knock down Judaism, Muslim, or Buddhism.  Any religion for that matter. ( Besides Scientology...sorry tom're nuts..ha! )  But whatever works for you is your choice, God created you and he knows what you are attracted to and what works for you.  I've had atheists friends tell me if God created me with a scientific mind then he should know why I don't believe.  I support that 100%.  He is understanding...and like all the lovely oooober christians sing loud everyday ...God makes no mistakes.  Now they need to see that this pertains to all aspects, not just the ones that coordinate with what they agree with.

Also, I find it hilarious how some people are mislead that people do not market christianity.  They sell t-shirts, bumper stickers, hell even figurines.  Have you had the chance to visit Gatlinburg?  That place is full of the marketing of Christ.  I think it's funny how all the white people have this iconic image of Jesus with flowing blondish hair with blue eyes, tan and handsome.  Hummm....he was a jew from the middle east people and he looked like one.
Ok...since it is sunday I've had my religious experience for the day : )  Ha!  Today I have a long day filled with  house work and painting.  I also need to tackle spens homework project and decide what costumes I'm going to make for his play at school.  Off to start the day I go.......

Saturday, February 20, 2010


So I was going through my phone while the boys were in the scout shop and I came across some pics I took of Ceddy in  Kosair.  My poor little guy.  I about cried seeing them.  My cell phone camera sucks...but here they are.  If you look close enough you can see his little iv on his hand in the last pic.  Eric was smiling because we had just found out he did not need surgery.  Ceddy is a little fighter...and a sweetie.  They had like 4 or 5 machines hooked up monitoring every tiny little movement or body function.  This was the worst experience of our lives and I'm so happy and thankful everything turned out for the best.  These images still break my heart and remind me how helpless we truly felt.

I'm excited!!!

It's so pretty outside.  I want to take the kids to the park.  I walked yesterday and it felt so good to be outdoors in the sun.  I also scored a great rug yesterday from target for Ceddy's room for only 22 bucks...woo hoo bitches!!! It was an online only product.  I guess someone returned it to the store.  It was a pretty penny before the mark down.  It's really well made and thick.  I looked like a total nerd hauling it around it around target with Cedric in the cart and my cart full of other crap.  I ended up hurting my back...but a total score so worth the pain.  I was debating on area rugs for the kids rooms...I didn't want Spen to trip.   He's doing good so far and it really grounds the room.  I want to get a zebra print one for my office and one for spens room.  Above are some pics of the Ceddy's room.  Eric thinks I'm nuts for my hanging pom poms, but Ceddy likes looking at them.  They are like a giant mobile for his room.  I love his little man chair I bought.  Once he can crawl and is mobile I plan on taking out the glider and setting up a little reading/play area.  I want Eric to make him a tiny table to go with his chair.  I'm going to put wall book shelves up.  Spen had a table set in his room and he used it all the time.  I moved that set down stairs in the play room.  I have so many plans for downstairs.  I'm excited.  It's gorgeous out and I'm in a great mood..hopefully it will lasts.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Today is one of those days....

When nothing I purchase works out.  I bought a new oil scented thingy...ended up smelling like ass.  Actually apples, not good apples, but apples that are somewhat decaying.  YUCK!  Apple cinnamon my ass.

Then I'm on this new kick with tissue paper pom poms.  I'm a nerd and thought it would be super cute to hang them in ceddys room from the ceiling...well...they turned out super cute...only my white tissue paper is not white.  That's what I get for buying tissue paper from the dollar store.  I need to look at factory card...I want to get some good ones with a possible pattern.

I scored a black lamp shade at target woo hoo and bought ceddy his chair.  Too cute.  I really want to put rugs in my kids rooms, but spen is so clumsy I know he would trip over them.

This house has so many projects going on.  Where to begin?????????? I am a super nerd and am going to start spen off each day with positive affirmations.  Once he mirror is put back up (still painting) I plan on writing a new one each day on it with dry erase marker.  I want him to have good self esteem.  He does somewhat now...but it's amazing what happy mantras and repetition will do for a person.  I want my family to start the day out right with happy thoughts.  Too often people become consumed with the negative aspects of life.  I say this with one breath and bitch in the other.  I guess today could be my trial run at things...only to be made better.  There, I'm being positive.  I just am tired of so much negative people and vibes.  It seems everyone has some chip on their shoulder or mean spirited remark. Let it go..and move on.

Ok...I need a wee little snack.  I lost another pound : )  Small victory for me.  Now I wonder if I can hit my goal weight by spens b-day...we'll see.

I wishhhhhh....

 it was socially acceptable to decorate your house with party decorations.  Carry on.......

Monday, February 15, 2010

I want out!!!

I want to get out of this house.  I want warm weather!!!  I'm tired of snow. Ok..little vent of the day.  I have a long to do list sitting neatly in front of me.  But yet...I have no energy to do any of the tasks.  Pish posh.  I'll start on it later.  One major thing is to refill my meds.  I hate getting my levels body feels like crap for a small eternity and it effects everything...from my thinking to my heart.  I have two more pills.  I called last week to see if they could call in it's time for me to see if kroger received the call.

I'm tired of being inside.  I need to get a zoo membership.  I want to start walking there.  I'm down another POUND!!! Woo freaking hoo!!!  I'm so stoked.  I really need to start working out.  I found out videos yesterday...kinda depressing how skinny I was.  I know I can get back down...just sucks.

My V-day rocked.  We just hung around the house and cuddled a lot of the day.  Eric was super sweet.  He got up early in the morning with a head cold and ran to the store.  He made me breakfast in bed.  I love him so much.  It's funny because he knows me so well and told me it was ok if I didn't eat all my food.  He knows I'm not a big breakfast eater...hehehee.  He bought me chocolate covered strawberries. of all he had roses with little love notes attached to them throughout the house.  I love my guys.  Spen woke me up with a singing poem ( he wrote himself) and Ceddy just laughed and was his adorable self.  I'm truly blessed.  I told Eric I didn't want anything fancy...just something to show me he loves me.  I say he did well : )

I want to paint my house from the foundation to the roof!!!  This place is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did score some cool accent lights.  Well, see how long they last when cedric become mobile.  But they look nice.  I need to go buy my palm tree...yes that is my new obsession.  I need life in this house.  I hate that everything outside is dead.  Maybe, just maybe this one won't die.  I've been doing my research and found out I screwed up on a lot of factors with my old ones.  For starters I need a lower light one and palm soil.  Duhhhhh.

I have one more doctor bill and I will be done!!!  WOO HOOOOOOOO.  Cedric costs us over $2,000 bucks..not including the bills I had occurred up to delivery.  But he's paid in full....hehehe.  I need to pay off 20 bucks or so to spens ophthalmologist.  It's the little bills I forget to pay.  I need to make a dermatology appointment.  I hate their insurance companies...biggest rip offs. I used to work for Humana the devil himself.  Grrr....oh well...onto brighter topics...

Ok, just checked out he Zoo website...I think we are going to join the zoo and science center.  They have a package deal for $140.  We are planning on a road trip to florida this summer.  I want to see the keys and Spen needs to see the ocean.  He can barely remember it.  But the zoo has a lot of participating locations that we will get in free to.  So we can use it on our trip.  We are going to stop in South Carolina and Georgia.  I'm super excited,  I love the deep south.  I would love to live in a old non-haunted plantation.  But alas, I live in a 1980's house.  Maybe one day. A gal can dream.  I want to go to new england.  But we'll take that trip when the kids are older.  Spen is afraid of his own shadow and I would love to check out some old grave yards and homes.  That would not be a good idea. to start my non-productive day.  I hope I find some energy for laundry.

Monday, February 8, 2010

I'm so mad I'm seeing red!!!!!!!!!!

I swear some people make my skin crawl!!!  I'm so tired of dealing with crazy people.  Really I'm tempted to move away.  Eric and I have discussed things.  What keeps us here?  We have friends, they can visit.  Our family we barely see other than holidays.  So what would be the big deal?  If they can find time...I'm sure they could visit.

I'm suffocating amid crazy people.  I really need a break from crazy. 

I longer will I be nice.  Where has that gotten me?  I sitting here with no more strength to fight this battle.  That's the can never win against the crazy.  They have more energy and more lies they can spit forth.  So I'm simply moving on and being the bigger person YET again!  I swear I hate people.

I just want a dear crazy people out know who you are...please, please for the love of all that is holy...stay away.  Leave me alone and disappear.  Thanks!

Off to make me some coffee and take a relaxing shower...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Busy beessss...

That is exactly what Eric and I will be today.  We have a long list of things to do.  I have energy today.  Eric was awesome and took care of Ceddy last night.  I was too sick.  I had a horrific headache that just would not quit. 

The list that sits before me...

- fill ceds meds.
- buy paint and materials for spens pine wood derby car.  The boys are over the moon on that endever.
- Make frames.
- Paint a chair..that's iffy...the weather may not allow it to dry.
- Buy Cedric a chair.
- Buy Spen shoes.
- Finish painting the boys bathroom. (priming it)  It's nasty.
- Move the pool table.
- Fix the wall in the basement.
- Buy more paint for the theater room and boys bathroom.
- Buy two new memory sticks.
and much much more..............

This spring Eric and I are going to clean EVERY closet in this house out.  I can't stand it.  Along with drawers and file cabinets.  We are such pack rats.  I want to get organized!!!  My office looks awful.  I hate it.  It's cute just bombarded with crap. 

I want my french doors, new front door, fresh coat of paint on the windows outside, fresh coat of paint on all the trim in this house and stain the deck.  We might add onto it and add a hot tub.  That would be nice : )  We might put in a pool down the road...but they terrify me with kids.  A hot tub you can lock up.  Just a thought.  Eric says he wants a boat before a hot tub. Go figure.

This spring I want to go camping with the kids.  That would rock.  Spen will love it.  Ceddy not so much.  We will do a cabin, just because I have to heat up the bottles and don't want bugs covering ceddy. 

I'm still losing weight...this whole starvation diet is working...woo hoo.  Ok, I'm not starving myself...just cutting back on snacks and unnecessary foods.  I'm going to cut out coffee and let's see where that gets me this week.  I put way too much creamer in mine.  Hell, it taste more like hot chocolate than coffee.  UNNECESSARY calories.  So far I'm down 43 pounds. to start my day!!!!!!

Friday, February 5, 2010


My last post was not like me.  I hate being mean.  I hate speaking ill words.  So I did some yoga and thinking.  I feel much better.  I do not want to take on people's negative energy.  So with that being said...I need to do a cleansing.  This spring I want to do a house blessing.  If I had some dried sage I'd light it up and douse myself today just because I hate negative energy.  You get only one chance at life and I plan to make it the best one I can.  So with that said...I have been thinking...and I forgive the "certain" person.  She obviously has issues and honestly she may not be even aware of them.  So I won't waste my energy on anything negative.  I like to surround my family and self with love.  Yes, the hippie in my heart is swooning today and plan to have a blissful day filled with only happy thoughts.  Life is about learning..and I have learned my lesson and I am thankful for I shall move on..... Now to dance with one of my favorite men in my life.  Ceddy loves to get his groove on....sending out happy thoughts and vibes....

Wow...who invited the crazy???

Ok, it's been brought to my attention that a certain nameless individual is truly a psycho.  She has lost grip of reality and I am beyond astonished by her mental instability.  Wow is all I can say.  Just wow.  I refuse to partake in her games and give her the attention she obviously so desperately is begging for.  I am honestly happy that she is no longer part of my life.  I cannot for the life of me imagine being so unhinged from reality that I would find comfort from outright lies.  I will not give anymore attention to this nameless, soulless person.  I feel only pity for her, and the sad little life she has created for herself.  I find it humors how she blames everyone else for her short comings but herself.. She knows what she has done, and she knows that everything she touches is tainted with lies, deceit or jealousy.  I wish her the best life ( whatever strings of fantasy she can pull together and call one) and have no ill wishes for her.  She is simply her own worst enemy and tarnishes everything and one she comes in contact with. The vast majority of people she has befriended come to this realization soon enough.  One can only blame a bad childhood for so long and realize it's them that is causing such horrific behavior and outcomes. Little girl lost is not a very attractive look for a middle "aging" woman.  I guess she is simply lost amid fantasy and the lies she tells herself each morning. The one thing is this, I just don't get her angle.  I have never done anything against her for her to become so mean and vengeful.  The only thing I did was stop allowing her to be part of my life.  I think it all stems from mere jealously and the fact I have the life she wishes she could have.  Not that my life is glamorous by any means, no.  But I have a loving husband and someone I would never cheat on, and two beautiful children that "I" adore.  I'm not a selfish little girl searching for my ego fix and I'm happy with myself. I do not need the attention from men to tell me I'm pretty.  I'm simply someone she could never be...a loving mother and wife!!!  No matter how many times she "re-invents" herself, she will always have an ugly soul along with mental insecurities that no man or amount of makeup will fix!!! So with that all said.... Good luck, good bye and see ya crazy!!!!!  I do not want to hear about my name falling from her lips or my families.  She is a deranged individual who is in need of serious mental help.  So I wish her the best of luck...and a warning for anyone else who comes in contact with her to merely step aside and let her walk on by.

Onto happier news.  I got some well rested sleep last night.  Eric helped out with the baby a lot last night.  He usually makes the bottles during the night and I feed him.  But he cared for Cedric when he was fussy and looked after both of us.  I feel better today.  No more muscle aches.  NyQuil will mess you up.  It was kinda funny, I looked over into the bassinet last night and started freaking out because the baby wasn't there...kinda forgot he was in the swinger.  I myself even put him in there. Ha!

I've been slowly paying off medical bills.  Can't wait for all the tax money to more bills.  Lovely!  Ok just looked and it's in pending!!!! YAY!!!! 

I'm curious to who reads my blogs.  Not to stroke my ego...just curious to who is reading what boring things I write about.  I have a lot of views and this sparks my interest. Personally, I get it... I read strangers blogs a lot times.  Sometimes it's interesting just to see life through someone else eyes.  I really do not write about world events or important stances I have on political views.  I like to keep it light and non-confrontational.  I wonder if people reading this right now even know who I am?  It's kinda a strange way of thinking.  Part of me wants to make it private and close up shop...but the other half...the voyeur in me loves to read about others and only finds it fair to partake in the dance of having a somewhat open life. Kinda not wanting to be a hypocrite.  I don't include every aspect of myself on here.  Lots of stuff actually.  I just share some tidbits.  So this is a simple handshake and get to know you hug to the people reading my blog.  I hope you find some amusement in the lines and don't simply read for grammatical mistakes. to start my day...I have new makeup to play with...kinda pathetic, but it's the little things that get me stoked on life...HA!

ps..I'm sure one of my viewers is the "little girl lost" so with all that was said, please stop lurking and go get the mental help you so desperately need! HUGGSSS!!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

New ideas...

So I've been in search of crafts to do for cedric.  Holy hell I've become overwhelmed.  I found a new sling I want to try to make.  Ceddy is getting so he likes to look out and see what's going on. I found some carriers I like but I refuse to pay $140 for one.  So I'm going to attempt to make a Mei Tai carrier.  They seem really awesome.  I'm nervous about the tying aspect of it. But I think it has more room than a moby.  So I'm going to give it a try.  I'm super excited.  I have some material, but I need to buy some black to contrast with what I bought. 

Cedric has on his first pair of babylegs.  He looks so cute.  I found a site showing how to make yet another project I will be undertaking.  They are so cute and you can make them from just adult socks.  So the possibilities are endless : )  I had him dancing to lady gaga...not sure if that's a good thing or not...leggins on and club music...hummmm.....hehehheheee.

I contacted the school of rock and they said they might have a kid band that can play spens birthday party!!!  I'm so excited.  I go overboard on kids parties.  It's an addiction...but I want my kids to have the most magical childhood ever.  I'm a nerd.  I was looking around on oriental trading and found some cool rock n roll party supplies.  The only problem is where to have it.  I'm debating on doing it at my house just because I would feel like a true jackass if the cops were called for the noise at a 7 year olds party. Ha!  This is still up in the air.  I have to see what I can get organized.

Here are the carriers. 

I need coffee...I am sluggish.  I'm excited to start on my projects.  I think I might go to the fabric store today and look around. to start the day.  Nothing like a sleeping baby on your chest to make you happy : )

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


My hormones must be going nuts because I can't stop crying.  I've been setting up my account with the NILMDTS organization and I was viewing some pics today.   I sobbed today looking at some pics with families..  Those poor babies...and poor parents.  My heart goes out to them.  I want to I'll push through.  I just hate it.  I really do...hell, I'm crying typing now just thinking about it.  I can't let Eric know...he.  That was the main reason he didn't want me to do it.  He knows I have a bleeding heart.  This is such an awesome organization.  It's just so sad reading the info about the babies and the stories of the parents.  I hope I can do it and not get too upset.  I'll be a digital retouch artist.  I can't be a photographer.  I would WEEEPPPPP during a photo session.  I might look into helping educate local doctors and nurses about the organization.  That I can do.  I know losing a baby is hard.  I miscarried early, I don't see how these poor parents do it.  To deliver?  Life can be so unfair.  Ok., subject because I'm still crying...

I'm very thankful what I have.  I know I say that often.  But I truly mean it.  I have a wonderful husband who I love and adore and who supports me with every crazy idea that pops into my head.  I also have two beautiful little boys that are so sweet.  I melt just looking at them.  I will always feel so humble to have been given the chance to be their mother.  They have taught me so many lessons and filled my heart with true joy.  I thank God for my two little souls.

  Life is a not a guarantee.  So often we lose sight of that.  We get lost in the every day chaos and forget that tomorrow is not always there.  I thank God for my life.  I have lived many lives in my short life so far and I want to truly live the life I've been blessed with.  I think we should always give thanks and share the blessings we have.  I have an idea I want to work on...but this will depend on my sewing skills.

Give thanks and praise and love the ones you have in your life : )