Sunday, April 3, 2011

Life...

I swear sometimes it's just hard.  I hate when there are no words to take the pain away or fill the awkward sound of silence.  I experienced two really difficult life moments today.  One was while driving home with Spen from his day out with my ex.  Spen was really upset and started crying while I was driving.  His dad had not bought him anything for his birthday.  How does a grown man do that?  He was sobbing crying and I was in the middle of traffic on Shelbyville road.  I hated it for him.  He told me he had two weeks to get me something...and he didn't.  He then proceeded to call him a big fat headed jerk.  Then he asked if he had to see him again.  I calmed him down by talking to him and we talked through his anger and hurt.  I just hate it for my baby to have to endure such selfishness. Spen has to come to terms with the sad fact that is how his dad is..  I hate it for him so much.  My son is an awesome kid and he isn't spoiled...he just wanted to simply be remembered.  Honestly, if he had bought him a pen he would have loved it.  He loves to draw.  I just hate it for Spen.  Spen knows he's loved by Eric and me.  Tonight we played a board game and loved on him.  That's all we could do. 

My other was while visiting my friend in the hospital.  The friend who's hubby is a jerk and left her while she was 33 weeks pregnant.  He was in the room when I entered.  I think I vomited a little in my mouth but forged on.  I put on the fakest smile I could wear and greeted my friend.  I was disappointed jerkface was there.  But I played nice...I did it for my friend.  I wouldn't make a scene or ruin her happiness for anything.  But had I met him in a dark ally, I would not have been so kind.  He is being "supportive"...as supportive as a man who is a loser can.  I just hate awkward moments.  I was so happy when he left. I wanted to scoop my friend and her baby up and take her to my house away from that jerk.  But instead I held the sweetest little baby with the cutest little cheeks and made over him.  I hate it for my friend.   She doesn't deserve this.  Poor thing ended up having to have a c-section after laboring all day.  But in the end she was given a precious little guy.  I just hated going into the room and seeing her husband.  I'm not sure I even made eye contact.  I couldn't.  How do you look at someone you have no respect for?  So I focused on my friend and the baby.  I hope she finds happiness and I wish her the best life.  She deserves so much.  I did get my baby fix.  I'm going to shoot her newborn portraits soon.  I ended up not taking my camera.  I thought it might be awkward if her hubby was there.  I wouldn't want him in any of the shots.  I'm mean that way...ha.


I'm sleepy...sorry if this post rambles...I'm extremely tired and just needing to vent.

3 comments:

Painting Tips and Tricks said...

I like your blog!...Daniel

Eve said...

These things are harsh. I raised three boys by myself and I know how hard it is to have an ex who doesn't seem to give a shit..my boys are all grown now with their own kids and they still don't know their dad..what is it that attracts us to selfish a******s? I'm happy for you that you have a great guy now, that's awesome. And your kids look happy and healthy, and they're gonna have a tree fort! That's awesome, all little boys do need a tree fort! Mine loved to be up in trees..must be some kind of primal boy thing! lol! Peace, eve

Nikki P. said...

Thanks Daniel : ) Thanks also Eve. It just sucks how selfish people can be. My ex is bipolar and I met him on an upswing...hehehehe. I married when I should have ran away...far away. You are one strong momma to have raised three boys by yourself! My hat goes off to you : ) My hubby now loves my son as his own (which is rare it seems now a days) So I feel blessed. I just have to keep telling myself Karma will get his ass in the end :) Have a great week guys!!!