It seems I'm always running backwards....

For starters....I screwed up my entry way.  I put wax on a no-wax floor...durrrrr...so Eric and I have been using ammonia to remove the wax.  Actually, Eric has been doing most of it.  We will work on that when we get back from Hawaii.  Ok, Hawaii...in a few days I will be sitting on the beach not giving a care about anything.  But, until then...I have clothes to wash, hair to dye, pictures to edit, a meeting with a client, packing to do and tons more.  I managed to give all my boys haircuts tonight.  Ceddy even got one too.  I gave him a little faux-hawk. It is very difficult cutting an infants hair btw.  Spen's is short and Eric is bald.  I just had to cut all his hair off on that one.  I've been working out like a mad woman.  Grrrrr....my weight is still hovering.  Maybe I can pick up a nice tape worm while I'm on the Island.  Perhaps...not.

I got a pedicure today.  My toes are ready for the beach.  I was going to get my nails done, but I know they will chip.  So I just did them myself.  I'm going to pack the color....because I know they too will chip and I can touch them up.  Ok pointless info.  My mind is swimming with things to do.  Lists, and also the fact my house is a mess.  I HATE when we have house projects and the place goes to shambles.

I did score some cute earrings on clearance today for 3.59 at target. I went to two different targets today.   I want to make my own skeleton key necklace...(or buy one )  That shall be this falls trendy accessory piece. I like these two.  I'm going to look around some more...but I do like these.  Kays has a pretty diamond one.

I can't wait to go to Kauai.  I've always wanted to go to Hawaii.  Eric and I were actually going to get married there :(  We were going to fly our moms out there with spen and have a little ceremony on the beach.  Why I let people sway my mind because of their own choices is beyond me.  I even had my dress picked out.

                              

I thought about renewing our vows.  But the packages are out of this world...so maybe Eric and I might just say something from the heart on the beach to each other with out the outrages fee. Ok..pointless blog...I must go touch up my hair.

Ode to the 80's yuppie...

While watching the facts of life today while working out...yes I am a loser...I remember my love of Blair's hair.  Oh how I longed to have flowing blond bouncy hair.  Instead I was blessed with straight dark brown lifeless hair.  But seeing her today I had the sudden urge to break out my hot rollers, dust off my corduroy skirt and 80's blouse.  I wanted to rock the 80's hard. But instead I can only dream. I miss the 80's yuppie.

I've become a workout monster.  I want this last 5 pounds gone so I can start on my new goal weight...125.  Eric is really losing and toning.  We don't want our kids to grow up with couch potato parents.

Ok..I have a few stores I need to visit and two kids to bathe...so off I go.

Pointless blog...carry on.

So.....

I have been going through all my many medical bills.  Grrrr...we paid off Ceddy, but I added more to the mix with my tummy issues.  Eric's ENT visit didn't help either.  He was charged over 200 bucks for a consult...I call shenanigans!  Oh well, that bill will set on the back burner.  I have more pressing ones to pay off.  It sucks sometimes being an adult.  I hate paying bills!!!!  I guess everyone does...but it's just annoying.  We are trying to become debt free.  I say this half laughingly though, because Eric and I are not good at budgeting.  Soon my car will be paid off. That will be nice.  Eric and I have worked hard to raise our credit score.  It actually rocks now...so we are super freaks about paying stuff off.  How nice would it be to have no bills with the exception of the mortgage?  I really don't see us paying that one off any time soon. Ha.

Enough depressing talk...I edited pics today.  I also met with a client.  She's adorable...as was her family.  I need to update and edit my site...but I'm being lazy.

I need to mail a CD for a client.  Whewwwww...I can't wait until Hawaii!!!  I scored a bathing suit the other day from the mall.  It was a modest two piece that I wear in public.  I don't think the local villagers will chase me with pitch forks and torches, so I'm happy with the buy.  It was on sale too...a double plus.  It matches Eric shorts...which is kinda funny because I did not think about it until Eric told me.  So of course we'll look like that "one couple", that wears things to match on purpose.

I am 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy size. OMG!!!  I need to lose more!!!  My goal weight is 125.  Ummm...yeah don't see that happening.  But a gal can dream. I need to work out a lot more.  Eric and I are starting to work out each night...and no that's not code for other things. Ha! We are lifting weights, doing the ab roller and the gazelle.  So we shall see.  Eric has already started to lose.  I hate men and their ability to simply cut out cokes and lose 20 pounds....grrrrrr.  I'm down to twigs and water and I'm not budging.  Ok, that may be a lie...I do have a snack here and there. 

Ok...off to start cleaning...my basement is calling me...

The Deck is done dude!

I have a whole house waiting for me to clean and tons of wedding images to edit...but here I sit.  I'm tired.  I finished painting the deck.  I'm spent...so I'm looking around online...avoiding work.  I thought I would update some Chicago pics...

  

We had a blast on the boat tour and walking around.  I want to go back without the kids and take a billion more shots.  I have tons more...but I'm too lazy to upload...maybe another day.... NYC shall be next!  I can't wait to go there...have always wanted to my whole life. Ok..off to do the things I'm been avoiding..

My head is literally going to explode!!!

I have so many damn ideas for this house!!!  Now where to find the funding is another story...but here they are is random form...


Ok..the bedroom....

I'm in love with the first pics color palette and it's easy because my room is already pretty similar.  I took down my canopy on my bed last night and I'm going to have Eric construct something similar to the box style 4 poster bed.  I'm digging the two matching night stands with lamps and mirrors on both sides.  The thing that sucks about this is my bed is super high so it's difficult to find night stands for it.  I want the glass lamps and silver mirrors.  I want the white bedding...but I'm not sure how this will fair in my household.  (We eat in bed) But with white things can be bleached...so we shall see.

Kitchen....I have so many ideas for my kitchen....

We will be updating, not gutting the kitchen...lack of funds kinda sucks.  We are trying to pay off all our bills...so we will try to salvage everything we can.  But this shall be the color palette and I'm in love with the window treatments. I heard target has them...double plus.

Seating...

I heart all of the above.  I found an awesome site online that has all these chairs cheap...so we shall see...I'm thinking the middle two are the most child friendly.

I'm in love with these two tables.  The exact look I want...so who knows which one I will get.  I want to put down dark bamboo in the kitchen and paint all the cabinets white.  I'm going to blow up a picture I took in Chicago and have that hanging up in the kitchen too.  So many ideas!!!  So little money...hahahahaa.

Ceddy needs his reading nook!!!   I'll be making this soon once I get my butt up to ikea.

and lastly the dreaded basement....  I'm going to have Eric build the seating...and buy the rest from Ikea.  Not the rug...I actually think that is from target. We still need to paint the theater room and sand and stain the entry.  Whewwwwwwwwww.....so many ideas....  Back to reality....I need to clean and finish painting the deck.

Gaga head...

Ok...I've been jamming Lady Gaga and it's stuck in my mind...

Things I've been pondering....I'm tired of not being creative anymore.  I kinda feel like I've lost the artistic Nikki living in white suburbia.  So with that being said...I'm back : )   I don't want to dress or feel like a middle aged bank teller or PTA super star.  So I won't be editing myself anymore.  Not that I have that much...but I am who I am and I will wear what my mood fancies and create what art my soul demands.  My house needs more music and dance parties.  I'm going to have Eric hook the surround sound up in all the rooms.  We already have the wiring under the carpet for it.  I love music and my children need to be exposed to more.

I don't want my children to edit themselves.  I do not want them doing things they normally would not do in fear of rejection.  I see this time and time again.  People lose themselves to simply fit in. I myself have been guilty of this.  Sometimes it's just not worth all the stares.  I want my children to be conscious to others feelings and not be rude.  But I do not want them to like sports if they don't.  I don't want them to dress a certain way in fear that they will be made fun of.  I don't want them to think they have to be a certain image to be liked.  I want them to know who they are and love that person.  It will help out in life so greatly.  I have seen this time and again in relationships.  Boy and girl meet...one fears to be left and therefore molds them self into what the other wants.  What happens to their wants, needs, or desires?  Swept under the rug and they are merely a shadow of themselves.  Not my children.  I want them to have healthy esteem.  Spen worries me in this department.  He's too much of a people pleaser.  Hopefully, he will grow into himself and love that person. Hopefully, he will discover it's ok to not be the norm.

Holy hell Mel Gibson is so nuts.  I've heard the phone messages and just wow.  It's not surprising though.  It goes back to the old adage how a person treats their ex is how they will treat you. People amaze me with the misconception they are "different".  Nope...if a person doesn't respect others...why will they respect you?  Give it time and soon the old becomes the new.  I see this all the time among people I know.  They put on the facade that life is great...but behind closed doors they are abused or living a loveless life.  From my personal experience people often play the role of cary grant to get you and once you say I do....satan himself comes out.  I want my boys to grow up to support their partners.  Which leads me to another topic....I saw on a FB update about how women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands and how basically a woman's work is in the household.  OMG really!  Wow...I would hate to live that life.  My husband and I are are a partnership.  We support each other. Eric wants me to achieve my goals and I want him to achieve his.  A relationship is about give and take.  Not the husband rules the house.  How miserable would that be?  Eric and I think someone should stay home with the kids.  But it doesn't matter who.  I know plenty of husbands who stay at home and their wives work.  It's what works for that relationship. There isn't a certain way families should be constructed.  But then again the people who believe in such nuclear families are against homosexuality (lord forbid a gay couple raises children) and anything that goes against their comfort levels...so anything out of the norm for them would royally mind f*** them.  If I made as much as Eric he would be the one staying home.  I would just hate to be in a relationship where the husband is a tyrant.  I've been in that one actually and it's horrific.  I was told I chose to stay home so therefore I had to do all the housework and all the work that dealt with Spencer. My ex was hands off.  He came home, he went to work.  I was responsible for all the happenings of the home. Mind boggling now that I actually didn't leave sooner.  Eric and I are a team.  We share everything.  It's funny because I know some people would think he was nuts.  But he comes home from work and cooks.  I HATE cooking.  I know it's weird but I never have and probably never will enjoy it.  Eric loves to and he's good at it.  So he cooks, I clean up.  He washes the clothes, but I put them away. (I hate dragging everything to the basement) I'll give Ceddy a bath, he dresses him.  We are a team and he respects me.  We both are equal.  We both have a say so in our lives.  I just don't get why someone would be opposed to that lifestyle.Women are awesome wonder beings, and anyone who wants to not let you shine or sparkle is fearful of you out shining them. I know all relationships are different, but no one should be more important than the other or have to carry burdens alone.  Oh well...that's life.

I have a long list of things to do...starting with cutting the grass.  It's funny, I was once told that it was the mans job.  Didn't realize that.  Off to start my list.

Freezing....

It's cold in my office. 

Updates in list form...since I'm too lazy to write paragraphs....

- had a blast in Chicago and Michigan.( I love exploring new places)
- need to edit pics
- need to finish up on house projects
- need to stop being so negative.  It's draining me.
- need to get a handle on my ADD...it's driving me nuts.
- must wash clothes, tomorrow shall be laundry day.
- can't wait for Hawaii...I am beyond excited. 
- I need to buy a bathing suit for said trip.
- still cannot believe we are going to Hawaii
- can hear spen talking in his sleep in his room...kinda funny.
- I need to stop trying to understand people.  People are who they are, will never change nor make sense.
- Flash and show is simply that.
- I'm blessed and I'm very thankful for my life
- I need to work on my business more
- I have so many ideas, I need to find a way to have some order within the madness
- I need to take a breath and let everything unfold
- I'm tired.
- my house is a mess
- my deck is still not finished.
- I wish I could sleep at the times of the day I should
- I wish people understood me
- I wish I didn't care as much as I do
- happy about Eric's raise, he deserves it
- poor ceddy is teething
- I need to take spen out alone...we need a mommy spen date....it's been too long
- I want to go back to the drive-in
- people amuse me
- I need to relax

.......life goes on...we are who we are...no matter what others think or percieve us to be....I am me and nothing more : )