Monday, October 4, 2010

I really should be reading...

I really should be book club is going to meet and discuss Freedom...aka...the thick read like next week or so.  I forgot the date.  I like the book so far.  I tried reading on the treadmill.  I got through a chapter without falling.  I consider that astounding. 

current thoughts...

My head hurts...I love this season....but my sinus cavity does not.  Meds should remedy this tonight.  Hopefully, anyway.
I want to do a craft with Spen tomorrow.  He's out of school so off to the craft store we will go.
My house needs a maid.  I quit.

I'm disturbed by some information that was told to me.
Some chicks will never learn.  How a guy was to his ex and (ex's) how he will be with you.  Take a look around at your life and see the whole picture.  Control, jealously, and excuses?  They are Cary Grant in the beginning, and soon he fades away.

Why do rednecks always multiply?  I don't get blink and the one child has now turned into three?

My hands are cold.

I don't get how people can change out families like they are merely changing their shoes.

A small victory has occurred today that the rest of the world will not know about... all my house phones have been found!!!  I have three.  All but one was lost.  Eric told me to page them...lovely idea...if they were charged.  Dead phones don't ring.  So I became determined to find all phones today and succeeded.  I totally grasp this is a dumb victory.  But do you know how annoying it is to be in the basement, here the phone ring and have to run two sets of stairs to answer a telemarketer?  Of the ones of  you who do, then you must feel my joy. 

It's funny how different both my boys are.  I love them both dearly.  But they are like night and day.  Ceddy has a temper and a rebellious streak. It's in his actions, and his eyes. He is not afraid of anything.  He falls, he gets back up.  He is adventurous.  I know he's only 11 months, but he's just so different than Spen was.  Spen was my shadow.  He clung to me. He was gentle and scared of everything.  I know Ceddy will cause my gray hairs...ha! It's funny to watch the two of them playing.  I think it's a perfect combination.  Cedric will push Spen to be more adventurous when they get older and spen will be the stable big brother able to pull him back to reality.  They love to play already together on the floor.  It was funny the other day Cedric fell and cried.  Spen got scared and started crying.  Cedric stopped crying.  Studied Spen, and then started crying because Spen was crying not because he fell.  He had already gotten over that.  Spen is such an awesome kid.  He's so gentle and smart.  He keeps me on my toes though.  How his biological father is such an idiot is beyond me.  It amazes me how I was ever in a relationship with that man?  I claim I was too young and dumb to see the warning signs.  But I jumped ship soon enough. He's the most selfish, mentally unstable person I know.  Sadly, Spen sees it too.  He comes home revealing more and more of how selfish and immature he is with each visit. That's another story, and one I really have no intention on speaking to the world about. 

**** I wrote all of the above last night****
New feels like a Beatles kind of day.  Cup of coffee and a big sweater.  To get lost amid pages of my book and have my ears listening to great music. 

I woke in a great mood.  Now to fix myself some coffee, and shower.  Off to the craft store and then see how the day unfolds.

I had an epiphany last eyes were opened to some things. I saw something in myself that was ugly and I'm not that type of person. I wrote a private journal entry by hand about it.  Haven't done that in years.  It felt good to get my feelings out and to scribe it out by pen.  A new sense has come over me.  No longer will I be that person.  I don't want to be like that anymore.  I have too many wonderful blessings and happiness in my life.  I'm also not a negative person or mean spirited. No longer will youthful insecurity riddle me with the nonessential fact of it's existence. I'm not playing the game anymore.  Most of you guys have no idea what the hell I'm talking about...but maybe a few do?  I just want to be happy and remain happy.  Finding happiness in someone else's short comings is not the way I choice to live.  Everyone's journey is different.  Our paths lead us to different experiences and different outcomes.  Nonetheless we learn from our path, but we aren't the path itself.  We are living breathing human beings capable of much more then our poor choices. So when someone stumbles that doesn't make them their mistake but rather human.  I've made my fair share of mistakes...and my knowledge to me is worth more than gold.  But that's in all this long drawn out boring banter....I simply choose to be nice and truly nice...not merely for the sake of being nice.

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