Monday, December 6, 2010

Kinda don't know what to think...

I'm happy on one hand Ceddy qualified for First Steps, but then on the other kinda bummed he needs it at all.  Kinda seems like nothing is simple in this world.  I'm having a mini pity party for myself today.  I am just not looking forward to starting this endeavor and finding a good food therapist for Cedric.  The woman who did his evaluation told me it's difficult to find a good food therapist for an infant.  Cedric has a severe food aversion with taste and texture aversions as well.  I kinda feel relieved to a certain extent.  I'm tired of people offering helpful advice to me on how I should just "work" with him more or offer him different foods.  I don't want to scar him.  He has food anxiety.  I know...kinda weird considering he's 13 months old.  But he was born with severe acid reflux which resulted in him developing his food issues.  He chokes or gags on anything he's uncomfortable with.  So long story short no matter how long you know something and you tell yourself something that is obvious, hearing it from a perfect stranger is disheartening.  It was one thing when I looked at it as a weird little quirk, but to be labeled, defined and called a disorder...that kind terrifies me.  The lady used that word...disorder. stung me.  I never looked at it like that.  I never thought of it as an aspect that could follow him as he got older.  She told me these kids usually are fine with no future issues.  My momma ears perked up and thought, but it could?  I never thought of it like that.  I see my smiling baby and his laughing little body with bright eyes giggling and never have I thought of it as a negative attribute about him.  I'm weird...I've had my head in the sand, but I just honestly thought that was his little shtick.  Part of his charm and character.  I knew it was bad, and I knew he needed help...but I never let it register its severity until today.   I  kinda feel like crying.  I know there are way worse things to be upset over and he'll out grow this.  But a mother never wants to hear something is wrong with their child. to eat something chocolate and have a good cry then move forward. Below is a little video of Ceddy watching Spen and Eric ice skate yesterday.

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