Sunday, November 15, 2009

The mall transaction...

So today we decided to go to the mall. I had a gift card for the gap for Cedric and I needed to get some facial soap and lotion. We loaded the family up and headed to Oxmoor. We had a good time. It's hard getting used to traveling with a newborn. Especially, if you are breastfeeding. It's an ordeal to leave the house. But things were going great and we had a good time. Just as we are leaving we run into Phillip in the parking lot. Actually, he yelled Spen's name out until we turned around. I swear the sight of that man makes my skin crawl. Running into ex's is always awkward, but more so when your ex really isn't supposed to have contact with you or your child outside of supervision. He knows this, but he was with a new lady and I'm sure he had to appear to be the great father. How do you acknowledge someone who abused you? How do you say hello to someone who made your life a living hell, who physically, mentally and verbally beat you down on a daily basis? Better do you pretend he's a normal person and that him hugging your child doesn't make you want to protect your child from his abuse? It took every bit of strength for me to not yell at that girl to run. To stay get out before she couldn't. But it's only a matter of time before she'll see his abuse. I wanted to turn around and just keep walking...but for spens sake I didn't. I allowed the two to hug and say hi...even though I wanted to vomit. This man acting as though he loves Spen, but yet could go a whole year without seeing him. How he could have a complete meltdown in front of him and claim his child was a liar and that he never lost it in front of Spen. I thank God I got away from him...I survived. I also thank God the court system saw how truly crazy he is and gave the supervised visitation they did. I feel sorry for spen. I hate that he has to deal with this. But it didn't phase him. To him Phil is merely the wacky uncle he sees at the home of the innocents. He knows Phil is his father, but he doesn't see him in that light. Phil never has been a "father" to him. So Spen said hi, hugged and that was it. No biggie to Spen. We walked away as our little family hand in hand. It just sucks, sometimes my past creeps in and depresses me...I hated my life with him...and I try to forget what I had to endure. So I squeezed Eric's hand in the car and he kissed my hand back...I thank God for my life now.

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