I swear sometimes it's just hard. I hate when there are no words to take the pain away or fill the awkward sound of silence. I experienced two really difficult life moments today. One was while driving home with Spen from his day out with my ex. Spen was really upset and started crying while I was driving. His dad had not bought him anything for his birthday. How does a grown man do that? He was sobbing crying and I was in the middle of traffic on Shelbyville road. I hated it for him. He told me he had two weeks to get me something...and he didn't. He then proceeded to call him a big fat headed jerk. Then he asked if he had to see him again. I calmed him down by talking to him and we talked through his anger and hurt. I just hate it for my baby to have to endure such selfishness. Spen has to come to terms with the sad fact that is how his dad is.. I hate it for him so much. My son is an awesome kid and he isn't spoiled...he just wanted to simply be remembered. Honestly, if he had bought him a pen he would have loved it. He loves to draw. I just hate it for Spen. Spen knows he's loved by Eric and me. Tonight we played a board game and loved on him. That's all we could do.
My other was while visiting my friend in the hospital. The friend who's hubby is a jerk and left her while she was 33 weeks pregnant. He was in the room when I entered. I think I vomited a little in my mouth but forged on. I put on the fakest smile I could wear and greeted my friend. I was disappointed jerkface was there. But I played nice...I did it for my friend. I wouldn't make a scene or ruin her happiness for anything. But had I met him in a dark ally, I would not have been so kind. He is being "supportive"...as supportive as a man who is a loser can. I just hate awkward moments. I was so happy when he left. I wanted to scoop my friend and her baby up and take her to my house away from that jerk. But instead I held the sweetest little baby with the cutest little cheeks and made over him. I hate it for my friend. She doesn't deserve this. Poor thing ended up having to have a c-section after laboring all day. But in the end she was given a precious little guy. I just hated going into the room and seeing her husband. I'm not sure I even made eye contact. I couldn't. How do you look at someone you have no respect for? So I focused on my friend and the baby. I hope she finds happiness and I wish her the best life. She deserves so much. I did get my baby fix. I'm going to shoot her newborn portraits soon. I ended up not taking my camera. I thought it might be awkward if her hubby was there. I wouldn't want him in any of the shots. I'm mean that way...ha.
I'm sleepy...sorry if this post rambles...I'm extremely tired and just needing to vent.
My other was while visiting my friend in the hospital. The friend who's hubby is a jerk and left her while she was 33 weeks pregnant. He was in the room when I entered. I think I vomited a little in my mouth but forged on. I put on the fakest smile I could wear and greeted my friend. I was disappointed jerkface was there. But I played nice...I did it for my friend. I wouldn't make a scene or ruin her happiness for anything. But had I met him in a dark ally, I would not have been so kind. He is being "supportive"...as supportive as a man who is a loser can. I just hate awkward moments. I was so happy when he left. I wanted to scoop my friend and her baby up and take her to my house away from that jerk. But instead I held the sweetest little baby with the cutest little cheeks and made over him. I hate it for my friend. She doesn't deserve this. Poor thing ended up having to have a c-section after laboring all day. But in the end she was given a precious little guy. I just hated going into the room and seeing her husband. I'm not sure I even made eye contact. I couldn't. How do you look at someone you have no respect for? So I focused on my friend and the baby. I hope she finds happiness and I wish her the best life. She deserves so much. I did get my baby fix. I'm going to shoot her newborn portraits soon. I ended up not taking my camera. I thought it might be awkward if her hubby was there. I wouldn't want him in any of the shots. I'm mean that way...ha.
I'm sleepy...sorry if this post rambles...I'm extremely tired and just needing to vent.
3 comments:
I like your blog!...Daniel
These things are harsh. I raised three boys by myself and I know how hard it is to have an ex who doesn't seem to give a shit..my boys are all grown now with their own kids and they still don't know their dad..what is it that attracts us to selfish a******s? I'm happy for you that you have a great guy now, that's awesome. And your kids look happy and healthy, and they're gonna have a tree fort! That's awesome, all little boys do need a tree fort! Mine loved to be up in trees..must be some kind of primal boy thing! lol! Peace, eve
Thanks Daniel : ) Thanks also Eve. It just sucks how selfish people can be. My ex is bipolar and I met him on an upswing...hehehehe. I married when I should have ran away...far away. You are one strong momma to have raised three boys by yourself! My hat goes off to you : ) My hubby now loves my son as his own (which is rare it seems now a days) So I feel blessed. I just have to keep telling myself Karma will get his ass in the end :) Have a great week guys!!!
Post a Comment