weird mood...

I'm so pmsing...I want to steal away into my room watch tv, read gossip magazines, with hair dye on my head, face mask on my face, toe nails drying from paint and sad music playing on the radio.  I'm in one of those teen angst moods...heheheheheee.  Oh the joys of not having any responsibilities.  I want to dye my hair black again...it's already faded :( 

I love silly compliments.  I went into home depot tonight to return some items with the family.  The rockabilly chick behind the counter asked me what lipstick color did I use and that the shade really looked  good with my skin.  I whipped it out of my purse and it was just funny because in such a "manly" environment we were having a cosmetic discussion.  I told her I was a makeup whore and that her question wasn't crazy as she was afraid it was.  I love pinup makeup myself and usually that is what I lean towards in my makeup routine.  Heavy upper lid liner, porcelain skin, pink cheek and luscious lips.  I've kinda perfected the everyday pinup. Which leads me to another topic on my mind.  I was driving home the other day and a thought kept resonating in my mind...where do I belong?  I'm surrounded by middle aged yuppies where I live.  I am far from that.  I don't get my kicks from shopping at the mall or which sport my kid is in. My car label doesn't effect my self worth, and neither does the label on my shirt.  But I am also not some barefoot hippie wondering aimlessly on in life.  Then I thought about where I feel the most alive and most comfortable.  Either it is in an art museum or theater, but that is where my heart lies. I'm art nerd through and through.  I'm not one of the emo artists that trash college training and spit upon anything that in considered normal beauty.  I worked with some artist like this and to be sadly honest their "art" was junk. They ripped apart anyone with real talent and dogged them behind their back in fear of them being discovered as hacks.  In school I was once told by someone that you have to learn realism and perfect that before you can move on into abstract.  I think there are exceptions to rules but all great artists had beautiful realistic paintings or works before they moved on.  You have to own reality before you can set it free...if not, you're simply a raging train without a conductor.  You have to know what is swimming in the beauty behind your pieces and what makes your work so special...ok tangent.  Back on track...my heart resides with fellow artist.  I love theater people.  They aren't the average bible thumping yuppie, or redneck.  They appreciate art in all shapes and sizes and usually can see beauty in anything.  I like that.  I would love to start working at actors theater sometime once the kids get a little older.  That would be a dream side job.  I used to want to be an actress but I let fear and low self esteem ruin that.  But I love it there and maybe one day I'll work there doing something, helping create beauty.  Once the weather warms up I'll get off my ass and go take some pictures.  I miss doing that.  I've started to lose touch of the natural side of photography and am only doing it for profit work.  I need some more beauty in my life.

I also need some silliness.  It seems I've been super bummed lately and bitchy.  So I think a nice hot shower, funny family movie and some ice cream is in order.  I ate like a cow today with no care...I'll diet another day :P