A beautiful day....

We went for a walk today in Anchorage.  I love how they remodeled it.  We did not walk the whole trail because we were losing light, but we will soon.  I think this is going to become my little walking spot.  I like it...you have the outdoor woodsy feeling, but in the middle of town.

Cedric is officially teething.  I literally had to hold him ALL night.  My arms and body were so stiff this morning.  I love my hubby...he got up throughout the night to help Cedric and me.  Poor little guy was in so much pain.

I scored the shark teething hoodie.  He looks adorable in it.

I also got the boys their Easter clothes.  I need to do pictures and take Cedric to see the Easter bunny. Grrrrrr.....

Ok...while talking to a friend I just remembered my love for V.C. Andrews...awwwww...the joys of my weird youth.  I think all chicks went through a V.C. Andrews phase.  I swear I read all the books twice over.  I loved them.  Now looking back, they all had the same story plot and set of events...incest, baby snatching and rape along with love and money. Made for an interesting innocent youth read.

I've been thinking about things lately and how life unfolds before us with a set of choices.  Often time we have to make decisions on our feelings and how we react to certain events.  I will never understand why people are the way they are, nor fully grasp why they choose to do the things they do.  That is merely the path in their journey they have chosen and one I choose not to follow behind.  I will not fill my heart with hatred or be mean to people.  I welcome people into my life with open arms and greet everyone as I would want to be greeted. I'm really digging this positive thinking mumbo jumbo.  

Ok, off to snuggle with the hubs.  I missed him today terribly.  We need to have a date night.  It's been months since we've gone out alone.  Maybe I can get a babysitter this weekend and have some good food and a little roller derby on the side : )

I love being a mom....

Today is one of those days when your kids smile melts your heart and makes everything else in the world not seem to matter.  Spencer was his adorable self at breakfast.  I could not kiss him enough today and Cedric is his wonderful morning baby.  He's all smiles and laughs. He's melting my heart.  Of all the jobs I've had in my lifetime...and there have been a lot...I'm kinda a gypsy in that respect, being a mother is the best one so far.  I love it!!!  It's only amplified by the fact I have a wonderful partner.  Eric is an awesome dad...and hubby.  I'm blessed.  We talked this morning and we are going to start hiking.  Woo hoo...I'm sooo stoked.  I love hiking...before the heat sets in that is.  Actually, it's cooler in the woods when it's hot outside.  I want to start soon.  We need to get a baby backpack.  I'm weird and get excited over stuff like this.  I'm a princess in the city and a princess mountain woman out in the woods.  I can remember camping and applying makeup...it's kinda funny looking back.

Cedric is playing with his voice...aka...screaming.  It's adorable.

I have so much to do today...grrrrrrrrrr....I want to buy some flowers for my front planters.  But I'll just kill them:(  I suck at real plants.

It's funny, Eric is opening up to the idea of having another kid.  We were both on the fence a while back.  But Eric was actually thinking about it and throwing the idea around the other day.  I don't know if I want to carry the next time or adopt.  We both want to adopt...so maybe that will be the avenue we choose.  I love my husband.  He is the most loving and understanding men I know.  I love how his heart bleeds for the kids out there without parents.  I could see us being foster parents once our kids are older.  I hate quiet houses.  Homes are meant to have children running about them.

Ok...enough mush mouth fool nonesense...I must start the day and go shopping...

Finally...time to sit still....

I have ran all day today.  I went to joanns fabric, hobby lobby, the bank and home depot. Geesssshhhhh...not to mention as soon as I did get home I fed the baby and finished painting around my front door.  It's finally done.  I scored some perfect fabric today for my garbage bag holder.  I couldn't find numbers I liked for the outside of my house.  So I decided to just put my address on the mailbox.  I feel naked right now because my house doesn't have any big numbers telling others it's address...weird I know. 

Speaking of mail boxes...how do you politely tell someone they put their new lovely mailbox in YOUR YARD!  Yes, my new neighbors did that.  I don't want to get into a tiff so I have a plan...hopefully it will work.

Ok, I have been bombarded in the news...celebrity gossip news...the only news I really follow...with so many people cheating on their spouses.  WTF?  Really, they're famous...do they really think they will not be found out?  I'm amazed how many people cheat on their spouses in regular boring life.  I don't get that either.  The grass is never greener on the other side...usually when you get over there you discover it's AstroTurf and you were a fool to think other wise. 

ok...I need to go shower...I feel gross and smell probably like an old sea captain...I've been painting all evening.  EEEkkkk...

 

Ewwwwwwwwww......

Where is the sun???

I was promised sun today and dammit I want it!!!!  

I have been so freaking productive this week I am astonished!  I kicked this houses butt yesterday.  I met with a client...scored another wedding!  I washed the jeep, went to the grocery, put an ad out, not to mention actually got sleep last night.  We took spen out to the Irish Rover for a pre-paddy's day celebration.  I was not about to fight the crowds today.  Enjoyed good food and came home got spen in bed and crashed.  I swear I was out cold.  My lovely hubby took care of the baby.  He fed him, and got him ready for bed.  He's such a good dad.  I on the other hand enjoyed my night of slumber. 

I need to paint the frame around my front door today...funnnnnnn...eyes rolling.  It's to that point that it has to be painted.  My kid is dressed like a white trash baby...milk on his face, and no pants.  Lovely. 

I swear this is how I feel.  I use grocery bags to put diapers in.  They work on keeping down the smell.  Well, I am becoming over loaded with them. So this week I'm going to make a holder for them to hang on Ceddy's changing table.  I need to go pick up some fabric and new thread.  Ok...off to start the day.  I'm in a weird chipper mood...I guess it's that mysterious thing called sleep.

Hurry hurry...

I'm in such a rush today....I need to sit still for a mere second.  I've been up and running since I woke up.  Two cups of coffee and off I went.  I have to meet with a client today.  I have some much still to do.   I need to wash clothes...grrrrr...I hate this chore. 

I still need to get Easter stuff and Easter clothes for the kids. 

I'm kinda bummed about some stuff.  This house has so many things that we have to do to it.  It's reaching that age when a lot of things need to be replaced...ie, WINDOWS!  Ouch.  Those cost a pretty penny.  I think we might buy one at a time.  I don't want to aquire more debt.  I also need to start painting the trim outside.  I DESPISE this task!!!   But it needs to be done.  It's mere maintenance.  It just sucks monkey balls.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....thank God I have a hubby that will help.

I got spens party invites.  I need to send them out.  I think we have decided on gerbils for him.  His head will explode with excitement.  He's funny.

This weekend is state championship for chess.  We will be going.

Ok...wasted enough time...back to the house hold grind.

Progress....

Ok, Eric and I played around most of the weekend and really did not get all that we set out to do done.  But I'm cool with that... spen's closet organizer is up..woo hoo!!!  The cars have oil changes and new fluids so it was a productive weekend nonetheless.  I love spens new closet organizer.  We need to put one in Ceddys room next.  We are going to redo our closet all together and put in nice built-ins.  When, I have no clue.  Money is the factor and we have A LOT of other pressing household demands.  I even bought spen a little tie and belt holder.  It's low enough for him to reach.  He's good at keeping organized.  He just has to have a space to put the items.  He's a creature of habit, so it won't take him long to get used to and use his closet properly.

We have been trying to recycle more lately.  I hate how much plastic and other products we consume.  We have been taking them to the recycle bin.  I'm excited (yes, I realize how lame I am) but I'm stoked on my new reusable coffee filter.  It "supposed" to last 5 years...we shall see.  But I won't be wasting extra paper a day : )  This is a nice plus.

Eric is at the doctor and I hate I'm not with him.  We usually always go with each other, but his appointment was at 8:30 and spens school doesn't start until 9:05...so I couldn't go.  But he's been having some hearing issues.  I hope all is ok.  I emailed him and he hasn't responded so who knows.

I need to start buying the boys some spring clothes.  Both boys are growing like a weed...I have no idea what I will do when they are teenagers.  Good Lord, they will eat me out of house and home.

The wrong part of me...

-how wrong is it that I...

-am a photographer and yet have empty frames around my house?
-stopped working out expecting my weight to magically fall off.
-just now realized it won't
-never cook
-really needs to finish my kids bathroom, but am afraid to use the steamer next to the outlets...so I'm leaving it up for Eric to do.  (electricity scares me)
-never go down in my basement, and I have three rooms down there including a theater room.  I'd rather watch a movie in my bedroom.
-refuse to buy any new clothes until I'm skinny, but will justify new sandals.  They will fit when I reach my goal weight.
-have an unhealthy addiction to target.  I won't allow myself to go in there if I can't spend money.
-just now realized how many freaking calories are in my coffees daily...and I have about 3-4 cups a day...ouch!
-have yet to take ceddy's pics in awhile...I'm talking studio pics.
-sit in my office daily and yet have no desire to clean it. (it's stock piled with junk mail)
-I have a shredder and NEVER use it.  I hate how slow it is.
-I don't recycle all that I should.  I try, but not hard enough.
-don't take care of myself as well as I should.
-I can be mean to the people I love the most.
-I was mad at Eric so I scheduled his doctor appointment at 8:30 am, (he hates mornings as bad as I do)and wish I hadn't because I really need to go with him and can't.
-I really wish I could run a mini marathon, but expect to be instantly in shape after a few days of training.
-I don't stand up to people like I should and many times pretend not to hear, nor see things that piss me off in the attempt to be "nice"
-I hate being nice!
-I really want to volunteer, but I really do not have the time....and that sucks.
-I cry easily about dumb things.
-I love crappy music.
-I don't like twilight.  I'm a chick isn't this some prerequisite for having ovaries? 
-I wish I lived in NYC.
-I probably need medicine for my ADHD, but I think it makes me quirky and more artistic.
-I hate I suck at sewing.
-I hate I never paint anymore.
-I forget EVERYTHING unless I practice it.
-I wish I could sing...I suck and sound as if a cat were dying.  But this does not keep me from giving private concerts in my car daily to my kids.
-I need to fill out my kids baby books more...but really will they care...probably not.
-I'm terrified to fly.
-once in my art fag phase I drank a whole bottle of wine, and ate pineapple cupcakes while watching hamlet.  Needless to say wine and pineapple cupcakes still turn my stomach to this day.
-I am a funny drunk.
-I love to read but never do.
-I suck at swimming.
-I HATE fishing.


ok...this is boring.  I have so much to do today.  I've made myself a workout routine.  I know how lazy I am...so I have to split things up.  I'm starting off easy so I won't get burned out.  I'm including things I can do around the house.  My goal is to start walking everyday...today is out because of the weather : (  But I will run up and down my steps to cover the walk.  Ok...off to weigh in and workout!

Easy peasy...

I'm excited...Ceddy's shirts turned out cute today. I have another iron on to do, but I only bought a two pack of onesies.  I've been busy lately...spen has been sick, I've been cleaning and catching up on laundry along with attempting to organize spens closet.  I need Eric to help me.  I want to put some shelves up he can actually reach and use. 

I need to get the boys pics done and buy them easter outfits.  So much to do!!!

Ok off to make dinner.

So much to do...

Here I sit...with so many things to do...

Oh...just finish/start 4 spider costumes.  I do have a great mom who made my bee costumes.

Update my site...including new packages...oh and think up these packages.  That would help.

Work out like a crazy woman.  I hate being fat.

Email some clients back.

Clean my basement and bedroom.  I kicked this houses ass yesterday. 

and so much more stuff it depresses me just thinking about it...so I won't.

I'm going out to lunch with some friends who I haven't seen in FOREVER.  I'm excited about that.  Then I'm going to swing by and pick up another friend.  Went to a jewelry party last night.  Had fun, but Cedric kept me busy.  Eric had to take spen to scouts so Ceddy had to come with me.  He was quite entertaining.  I felt bad for the woman who sold the jewelry...Ceddy was kinda interrupting her spill.  I did take him out of the room...but I still feel bad.  My friend and I met up with the guys at Marks and I of course ate my weight in bbq and fries.  Soooo not on my diet.  I feel guilty.  But it was yummy and so I'm over it.

Pinewood derby this weekend...hummmmm....hopefully spen does well.  I'm so excited it's pretty out.  I'm going to start walking with Sarah and Lauren.  Hopefully, I'll walk off some of this weight. 

I have a very busy week next week.  Spens play, derm appointment, dentist appointment, and get blood work done.  Fun stuff.

Ok...off to get dressed and

It's a pity party everyones invited...

Ok Eric is working this weekend and next.  His work is yet again implementing a new system.  Blah blah blah...all I know is he works extremely hard for that company and he should be handsomely rewarded for his efforts.  But anyhoo....I'm bummed I have to have a weekend without him.  He's in Louisville just tied to his computer somewhere in nerdville.

Let the pity party begin...........

- I scored some awesome fabric for bibs...I love the blue cupcake fabric..it's blue so it's boyish....and the damask is really pretty.  One problem...I suck at sewing.  I'm the chick who used stitch witch for curtains.  I'm super bummed because I tried to sew today and royally fudged up...so now I have to wait for hubby to get home and fix my machine.  Yes, my husband sews better than me.

- I need a break,  I'm about to lose my ever lovin mind!!!!

The baby is up...short lived nap...off I go.

Food for thought...

Have you ever saw yourself on video or in a picture and thought...holy hell I'm fat.  What the hell happened to me?  Yeah...I had one of those moments today...Just when I thought I was doing good with my diet...I was yet again reminded how much weight I have gained....ok pointeless note...carry on....

I must....

- go to the grocery....I'm out of everything :(
- Get dressed...I'm sitting here in a bra and sweat pants because I was painting the boys bathroom and ceddy was not having any of that...so mom to the rescue... painting shirt had to come off to hold a screaming baby...
- finish painting the boys bathroom.  somehow....
-decide what new color to paint my bath and possible bedroom....eric will love this idea...eyes rolling
- make my sling...poor sewing project I have not forgotten about you.
- make a new craft project...thanks to the goddess martha stewart...head bows, an adorable mobile I plan on making ceddy.

I plan on making it more boyish...with different colors and no flowers.  Well, see.
- clean...everything and anything in my house..period.
-at some point i need to clean the fridge and the microwave....maybe when hell freezes over.

I'm giggly nervous...my new bedding comes in tomorrow.  I have no idea what it looks like in person...there was no reviews online about it.  So fingers crossed it's not too ugly.  Our bedroom needs a drastic makeover.  As does my hair.

I'm down another half pound.  I have 28.5 pounds to get to my goal weight.  Wish me luck.  I need to really start working out.  Sitting in bed watching tv lifting 2 pound weights really doesn't count.  ha!

New must have.....

Pink cupcake rainboots...need I say more???

Yesterday in picture form....

Yesterday was a gorgeous day out so we took a walk around the neighborhood.  It was so nice to be able to be outside and see the sun.  I hope this weather last!!!  My Easter lilies are starting to come up even surrounded by snow.

I look horrific, no makeup and a wacky ponytail with Eric's hoodie, oh well.  My boys look cute...Ceddy was amazed by whatever he was seeing from his stroller and Spen was being silly throwing snowballs and stepping in the mud. 

 

The lovely tire mark I left in my yard right before the snow.  I think the snow only amplified it's ugliness and made it worse.  I do this every year...you would think I would know where my driveway ends and begins...durrrrrr Below is a cute sign I saw on someones door...I think it's sweet.

Self awareness...

Self awareness is a foreign concept to some people, but at some point one must wake up to their life look around and realize they have a hand in some of the outcomes laying before them.  Who you surround your self with, the negative thoughts that run through your mind, and the decisions that you make everyday no matter how minuet they may seem all dictate your life.  I'm not speaking of people inflicted with illness, disease, or death...but the simple people who whine and complain that life sucks simply need to step up and take control of their life.  if you surround yourself with losers, negative thinkers or mere jerkfaces then at some point that will creep in.  Sounds all like common sense to me...but most people lack it.

I normally do not comment about my political or religious views on here, but something has really been bothering me.  How certain "super christian" people do not realize that anything that consumes you, anything that you obsess over, anything that is too much..is exactly that.  I know a few people like that.  I think a lot of times these people are followers clinging to a life they need to live to feel justified.  They need to feel like they are living for a cause. They need to belong with other people.  These are often the people who fear what others think and secretly contemplate are they "christian enough" behind closed doors. It's funny to me because they really don't see how they are so similar to the people they condemn to hell.  Too much of anything is a bad thing.  When does it stop becoming a religion and start becoming an obsession is an important question these individuals need to ask themselves.  Not every book you read has to be devoted to God.  Not every movie nor every blog entry or update must pertain to the God.  It's kinda depressing how they belittle God, they think they must dedicate every aspect of their lives to God, but lack the true understanding of him.  He created you, and I'm sure he would want you to enjoy the life he has given you.  I highly doubt God is a narcissistic creator as many Christians lead others to believe.  He is understanding and all loving.  It blows my mind how so many christians cannot grasp that.  They speak of his love, and grace, but have no clue to what it truly means.  They walk around trying to be perfect when in their hearts know no one is.  I believe God has a sense of humor.  It would only make sense if it is a characteristic that we have...he would share.

Another aspect of Christianity that annoys me is the judging.  Who are we to judge another?  I mean really, who's right is it to judge another persons sexuality, lifestyle or beliefs.  If God created a person, I'm sure he made them the way they are for a reason.  There are few times I feel is it ok to discuss a persons life in judgment....and that is when children are involved or abuse is occurring.  I have no patience for abusers and people who simply are selfish.  That has nothing to do with religious views, but rather simple respect of fellow humans.  Being selfish and choosing to abuse is not a personal right or "the way someone was born", it's choosing to make that decision and following through with your actions.

I hate claiming my religion as christian because often times I'm lumped into the large amount of cruel judgmental christians that have no real concept of Christianity.  These people simply want to belong to a club, they want to be the norm and jump on whatever bandwagon that is socially acceptable that day.  I know I'm not perfect, I know that I make stupid decisions, I know I like to cuss, I like to laugh and most of all I am not politically correct and have a dark sided sense of humor, but God made me this way : )  So I will not purge myself from my feelings, emotions nor will I turn my back from my gay friends, friends who are atheists or strangers with different lifestyles or beliefs.  To me Christianity is Christ like and Jesus was a hippie who hung out with the whores, thieves and basically a lot of the rejects of the day.  Forcing your views down others throats is not the "christian" thing to do, but simply rude thing to do.  Live by example, be a good person and let others see how good you truly are by your actions.

Me personally I believe there are different paths to God.  I think it's arrogant to believe otherwise and that any one religion is the "only " way.  I'm a christian because this is how I was raised and the path I have chosen.  But I will never knock down Judaism, Muslim, or Buddhism.  Any religion for that matter. ( Besides Scientology...sorry tom cruise..you're nuts..ha! )  But whatever works for you is your choice, God created you and he knows what you are attracted to and what works for you.  I've had atheists friends tell me if God created me with a scientific mind then he should know why I don't believe.  I support that 100%.  He is understanding...and like all the lovely oooober christians sing loud everyday ...God makes no mistakes.  Now they need to see that this pertains to all aspects, not just the ones that coordinate with what they agree with.

Also, I find it hilarious how some people are mislead that people do not market christianity.  They sell t-shirts, bumper stickers, hell even figurines.  Have you had the chance to visit Gatlinburg?  That place is full of the marketing of Christ.  I think it's funny how all the white people have this iconic image of Jesus with flowing blondish hair with blue eyes, tan and handsome.  Hummm....he was a jew from the middle east people and he looked like one.
Ok...since it is sunday I've had my religious experience for the day : )  Ha!  Today I have a long day filled with  house work and painting.  I also need to tackle spens homework project and decide what costumes I'm going to make for his play at school.  Off to start the day I go.......

ok...

So I was going through my phone while the boys were in the scout shop and I came across some pics I took of Ceddy in  Kosair.  My poor little guy.  I about cried seeing them.  My cell phone camera sucks...but here they are.  If you look close enough you can see his little iv on his hand in the last pic.  Eric was smiling because we had just found out he did not need surgery.  Ceddy is a little fighter...and a sweetie.  They had like 4 or 5 machines hooked up monitoring every tiny little movement or body function.  This was the worst experience of our lives and I'm so happy and thankful everything turned out for the best.  These images still break my heart and remind me how helpless we truly felt.

I'm excited!!!

It's so pretty outside.  I want to take the kids to the park.  I walked yesterday and it felt so good to be outdoors in the sun.  I also scored a great rug yesterday from target for Ceddy's room for only 22 bucks...woo hoo bitches!!! It was an online only product.  I guess someone returned it to the store.  It was a pretty penny before the mark down.  It's really well made and thick.  I looked like a total nerd hauling it around it around target with Cedric in the cart and my cart full of other crap.  I ended up hurting my back...but a total score so worth the pain.  I was debating on area rugs for the kids rooms...I didn't want Spen to trip.   He's doing good so far and it really grounds the room.  I want to get a zebra print one for my office and one for spens room.  Above are some pics of the Ceddy's room.  Eric thinks I'm nuts for my hanging pom poms, but Ceddy likes looking at them.  They are like a giant mobile for his room.  I love his little man chair I bought.  Once he can crawl and is mobile I plan on taking out the glider and setting up a little reading/play area.  I want Eric to make him a tiny table to go with his chair.  I'm going to put wall book shelves up.  Spen had a table set in his room and he used it all the time.  I moved that set down stairs in the play room.  I have so many plans for downstairs.  I'm excited.  It's gorgeous out and I'm in a great mood..hopefully it will lasts.

Today is one of those days....

When nothing I purchase works out.  I bought a new oil scented thingy...ended up smelling like ass.  Actually apples, not good apples, but apples that are somewhat decaying.  YUCK!  Apple cinnamon my ass.

Then I'm on this new kick with tissue paper pom poms.  I'm a nerd and thought it would be super cute to hang them in ceddys room from the ceiling...well...they turned out super cute...only my white tissue paper is not white.  That's what I get for buying tissue paper from the dollar store.  I need to look at factory card...I want to get some good ones with a possible pattern.

I scored a black lamp shade at target woo hoo and bought ceddy his chair.  Too cute.  I really want to put rugs in my kids rooms, but spen is so clumsy I know he would trip over them.

This house has so many projects going on.  Where to begin?????????? I am a super nerd and am going to start spen off each day with positive affirmations.  Once he mirror is put back up (still painting) I plan on writing a new one each day on it with dry erase marker.  I want him to have good self esteem.  He does somewhat now...but it's amazing what happy mantras and repetition will do for a person.  I want my family to start the day out right with happy thoughts.  Too often people become consumed with the negative aspects of life.  I say this with one breath and bitch in the other.  I guess today could be my trial run at things...only to be made better.  There, I'm being positive.  I just am tired of so much negative people and vibes.  It seems everyone has some chip on their shoulder or mean spirited remark. Let it go..and move on.

Ok...I need a wee little snack.  I lost another pound : )  Small victory for me.  Now I wonder if I can hit my goal weight by spens b-day...we'll see.

I wishhhhhh....

 it was socially acceptable to decorate your house with party decorations.  Carry on.......

I want out!!!

I want to get out of this house.  I want warm weather!!!  I'm tired of snow. Ok..little vent of the day.  I have a long to do list sitting neatly in front of me.  But yet...I have no energy to do any of the tasks.  Pish posh.  I'll start on it later.  One major thing is to refill my meds.  I hate getting my levels off...my body feels like crap for a small eternity and it effects everything...from my thinking to my heart.  I have two more pills.  I called last week to see if they could call in refills...now it's time for me to see if kroger received the call.

I'm tired of being inside.  I need to get a zoo membership.  I want to start walking there.  I'm down another POUND!!! Woo freaking hoo!!!  I'm so stoked.  I really need to start working out.  I found out videos yesterday...kinda depressing how skinny I was.  I know I can get back down...just sucks.

My V-day rocked.  We just hung around the house and cuddled a lot of the day.  Eric was super sweet.  He got up early in the morning with a head cold and ran to the store.  He made me breakfast in bed.  I love him so much.  It's funny because he knows me so well and told me it was ok if I didn't eat all my food.  He knows I'm not a big breakfast eater...hehehee.  He bought me chocolate covered strawberries.  Yummy...best of all he had roses with little love notes attached to them throughout the house.  I love my guys.  Spen woke me up with a singing poem ( he wrote himself) and Ceddy just laughed and was his adorable self.  I'm truly blessed.  I told Eric I didn't want anything fancy...just something to show me he loves me.  I say he did well : )

I want to paint my house from the foundation to the roof!!!  This place is driving me nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did score some cool accent lights.  Well, see how long they last when cedric become mobile.  But they look nice.  I need to go buy my palm tree...yes that is my new obsession.  I need life in this house.  I hate that everything outside is dead.  Maybe, just maybe this one won't die.  I've been doing my research and found out I screwed up on a lot of factors with my old ones.  For starters I need a lower light one and palm soil.  Duhhhhh.

I have one more doctor bill and I will be done!!!  WOO HOOOOOOOO.  Cedric costs us over $2,000 bucks..not including the bills I had occurred up to delivery.  But he's paid in full....hehehe.  I need to pay off 20 bucks or so to spens ophthalmologist.  It's the little bills I forget to pay.  I need to make a dermatology appointment.  I hate their insurance companies...biggest rip offs. I used to work for Humana the devil himself.  Grrr....oh well...onto brighter topics...

Ok, just checked out he Zoo website...I think we are going to join the zoo and science center.  They have a package deal for $140.  We are planning on a road trip to florida this summer.  I want to see the keys and Spen needs to see the ocean.  He can barely remember it.  But the zoo has a lot of participating locations that we will get in free to.  So we can use it on our trip.  We are going to stop in South Carolina and Georgia.  I'm super excited,  I love the deep south.  I would love to live in a old non-haunted plantation.  But alas, I live in a 1980's house.  Maybe one day. A gal can dream.  I want to go to new england.  But we'll take that trip when the kids are older.  Spen is afraid of his own shadow and I would love to check out some old grave yards and homes.  That would not be a good idea.  Ok...off to start my non-productive day.  I hope I find some energy for laundry.

I'm so mad I'm seeing red!!!!!!!!!!

I swear some people make my skin crawl!!!  I'm so tired of dealing with crazy people.  Really I'm tempted to move away.  Eric and I have discussed things.  What keeps us here?  We have friends, they can visit.  Our family we barely see other than holidays.  So what would be the big deal?  If they can find time...I'm sure they could visit.

I'm suffocating amid crazy people.  I really need a break from crazy. 

I quit...no longer will I be nice.  Where has that gotten me?  I sitting here with no more strength to fight this battle.  That's the thing...you can never win against the crazy.  They have more energy and more lies they can spit forth.  So I'm simply moving on and being the bigger person YET again!  I swear I hate people.

I just want a break...so dear crazy people out there..you know who you are...please, please for the love of all that is holy...stay away.  Leave me alone and disappear.  Thanks!

Off to make me some coffee and take a relaxing shower...

Busy beessss...

That is exactly what Eric and I will be today.  We have a long list of things to do.  I have energy today.  Eric was awesome and took care of Ceddy last night.  I was too sick.  I had a horrific headache that just would not quit. 

The list that sits before me...

- fill ceds meds.
- buy paint and materials for spens pine wood derby car.  The boys are over the moon on that endever.
- Make frames.
- Paint a chair..that's iffy...the weather may not allow it to dry.
- Buy Cedric a chair.
- Buy Spen shoes.
- Finish painting the boys bathroom. (priming it)  It's nasty.
- Move the pool table.
- Fix the wall in the basement.
- Buy more paint for the theater room and boys bathroom.
- Buy two new memory sticks.
and much much more..............

This spring Eric and I are going to clean EVERY closet in this house out.  I can't stand it.  Along with drawers and file cabinets.  We are such pack rats.  I want to get organized!!!  My office looks awful.  I hate it.  It's cute just bombarded with crap. 

I want my french doors, new front door, fresh coat of paint on the windows outside, fresh coat of paint on all the trim in this house and stain the deck.  We might add onto it and add a hot tub.  That would be nice : )  We might put in a pool down the road...but they terrify me with kids.  A hot tub you can lock up.  Just a thought.  Eric says he wants a boat before a hot tub. Go figure.

This spring I want to go camping with the kids.  That would rock.  Spen will love it.  Ceddy not so much.  We will do a cabin, just because I have to heat up the bottles and don't want bugs covering ceddy. 

I'm still losing weight...this whole starvation diet is working...woo hoo.  Ok, I'm not starving myself...just cutting back on snacks and unnecessary foods.  I'm going to cut out coffee and let's see where that gets me this week.  I put way too much creamer in mine.  Hell, it taste more like hot chocolate than coffee.  UNNECESSARY calories.  So far I'm down 43 pounds.

Ok...off to start my day!!!!!!

Whewwww.....

My last post was not like me.  I hate being mean.  I hate speaking ill words.  So I did some yoga and thinking.  I feel much better.  I do not want to take on people's negative energy.  So with that being said...I need to do a cleansing.  This spring I want to do a house blessing.  If I had some dried sage I'd light it up and douse myself today just because I hate negative energy.  You get only one chance at life and I plan to make it the best one I can.  So with that said...I have been thinking...and I forgive the "certain" person.  She obviously has issues and honestly she may not be even aware of them.  So I won't waste my energy on anything negative.  I like to surround my family and self with love.  Yes, the hippie in my heart is swooning today and plan to have a blissful day filled with only happy thoughts.  Life is about learning..and I have learned my lesson and I am thankful for that...so I shall move on..... Now to dance with one of my favorite men in my life.  Ceddy loves to get his groove on....sending out happy thoughts and vibes....

Wow...who invited the crazy???

Ok, it's been brought to my attention that a certain nameless individual is truly a psycho.  She has lost grip of reality and I am beyond astonished by her mental instability.  Wow is all I can say.  Just wow.  I refuse to partake in her games and give her the attention she obviously so desperately is begging for.  I am honestly happy that she is no longer part of my life.  I cannot for the life of me imagine being so unhinged from reality that I would find comfort from outright lies.  I will not give anymore attention to this nameless, soulless person.  I feel only pity for her, and the sad little life she has created for herself.  I find it humors how she blames everyone else for her short comings but herself.. She knows what she has done, and she knows that everything she touches is tainted with lies, deceit or jealousy.  I wish her the best life ( whatever strings of fantasy she can pull together and call one) and have no ill wishes for her.  She is simply her own worst enemy and tarnishes everything and one she comes in contact with. The vast majority of people she has befriended come to this realization soon enough.  One can only blame a bad childhood for so long and realize it's them that is causing such horrific behavior and outcomes. Little girl lost is not a very attractive look for a middle "aging" woman.  I guess she is simply lost amid fantasy and the lies she tells herself each morning. The one thing is this, I just don't get her angle.  I have never done anything against her for her to become so mean and vengeful.  The only thing I did was stop allowing her to be part of my life.  I think it all stems from mere jealously and the fact I have the life she wishes she could have.  Not that my life is glamorous by any means, no.  But I have a loving husband and someone I would never cheat on, and two beautiful children that "I" adore.  I'm not a selfish little girl searching for my ego fix and I'm happy with myself. I do not need the attention from men to tell me I'm pretty.  I'm simply someone she could never be...a loving mother and wife!!!  No matter how many times she "re-invents" herself, she will always have an ugly soul along with mental insecurities that no man or amount of makeup will fix!!! So with that all said.... Good luck, good bye and see ya crazy!!!!!  I do not want to hear about my name falling from her lips or my families.  She is a deranged individual who is in need of serious mental help.  So I wish her the best of luck...and a warning for anyone else who comes in contact with her to merely step aside and let her walk on by.

Onto happier news.  I got some well rested sleep last night.  Eric helped out with the baby a lot last night.  He usually makes the bottles during the night and I feed him.  But he cared for Cedric when he was fussy and looked after both of us.  I feel better today.  No more muscle aches.  NyQuil will mess you up.  It was kinda funny, I looked over into the bassinet last night and started freaking out because the baby wasn't there...kinda forgot he was in the swinger.  I myself even put him in there. Ha!

I've been slowly paying off medical bills.  Can't wait for all the tax money to come...pay more bills.  Lovely!  Ok just looked and it's in pending!!!! YAY!!!! 

I'm curious to who reads my blogs.  Not to stroke my ego...just curious to who is reading what boring things I write about.  I have a lot of views and this sparks my interest. Personally, I get it... I read strangers blogs a lot times.  Sometimes it's interesting just to see life through someone else eyes.  I really do not write about world events or important stances I have on political views.  I like to keep it light and non-confrontational.  I wonder if people reading this right now even know who I am?  It's kinda a strange way of thinking.  Part of me wants to make it private and close up shop...but the other half...the voyeur in me loves to read about others and only finds it fair to partake in the dance of having a somewhat open life. Kinda not wanting to be a hypocrite.  I don't include every aspect of myself on here.  Lots of stuff actually.  I just share some tidbits.  So this is a simple handshake and get to know you hug to the people reading my blog.  I hope you find some amusement in the lines and don't simply read for grammatical mistakes. 

Ok...off to start my day...I have new makeup to play with...kinda pathetic, but it's the little things that get me stoked on life...HA!

ps..I'm sure one of my viewers is the "little girl lost" so with all that was said, please stop lurking and go get the mental help you so desperately need! HUGGSSS!!!

New ideas...

So I've been in search of crafts to do for cedric.  Holy hell I've become overwhelmed.  I found a new sling I want to try to make.  Ceddy is getting so he likes to look out and see what's going on. I found some carriers I like but I refuse to pay $140 for one.  So I'm going to attempt to make a Mei Tai carrier.  They seem really awesome.  I'm nervous about the tying aspect of it. But I think it has more room than a moby.  So I'm going to give it a try.  I'm super excited.  I have some material, but I need to buy some black to contrast with what I bought. 

Cedric has on his first pair of babylegs.  He looks so cute.  I found a site showing how to make them...so yet another project I will be undertaking.  They are so cute and you can make them from just adult socks.  So the possibilities are endless : )  I had him dancing to lady gaga...not sure if that's a good thing or not...leggins on and club music...hummmm.....hehehheheee.

I contacted the school of rock and they said they might have a kid band that can play spens birthday party!!!  I'm so excited.  I go overboard on kids parties.  It's an addiction...but I want my kids to have the most magical childhood ever.  I'm a nerd.  I was looking around on oriental trading and found some cool rock n roll party supplies.  The only problem is where to have it.  I'm debating on doing it at my house just because I would feel like a true jackass if the cops were called for the noise at a 7 year olds party. Ha!  This is still up in the air.  I have to see what I can get organized.

Here are the carriers. 

I need coffee...I am sluggish.  I'm excited to start on my projects.  I think I might go to the fabric store today and look around.  Ok...off to start the day.  Nothing like a sleeping baby on your chest to make you happy : )

Today...

My hormones must be going nuts because I can't stop crying.  I've been setting up my account with the NILMDTS organization and I was viewing some pics today.   I sobbed today looking at some pics with families..  Those poor babies...and poor parents.  My heart goes out to them.  I want to help...so I'll push through.  I just hate it.  I really do...hell, I'm crying typing now just thinking about it.  I can't let Eric know...he.  That was the main reason he didn't want me to do it.  He knows I have a bleeding heart.  This is such an awesome organization.  It's just so sad reading the info about the babies and the stories of the parents.  I hope I can do it and not get too upset.  I'll be a digital retouch artist.  I can't be a photographer.  I would WEEEPPPPP during a photo session.  I might look into helping educate local doctors and nurses about the organization.  That I can do.  I know losing a baby is hard.  I miscarried early, I don't see how these poor parents do it.  To deliver?  Life can be so unfair.  Ok.,..new subject because I'm still crying...

I'm very thankful what I have.  I know I say that often.  But I truly mean it.  I have a wonderful husband who I love and adore and who supports me with every crazy idea that pops into my head.  I also have two beautiful little boys that are so sweet.  I melt just looking at them.  I will always feel so humble to have been given the chance to be their mother.  They have taught me so many lessons and filled my heart with true joy.  I thank God for my two little souls.

  Life is a not a guarantee.  So often we lose sight of that.  We get lost in the every day chaos and forget that tomorrow is not always there.  I thank God for my life.  I have lived many lives in my short life so far and I want to truly live the life I've been blessed with.  I think we should always give thanks and share the blessings we have.  I have an idea I want to work on...but this will depend on my sewing skills.

Give thanks and praise and love the ones you have in your life : )

Kitty Cat ....

found.  He was M.I.A. since yesterday and today.  Eric and I were sitting at the dinner table and heard a faint meow....we thought we were hearing things until we both asked the other if we heard that.  Lucky was found in the garage between erics work bench and the kitchen wall.  He is a lucky cat...I left the garage door open all day thinking he would come home.  He apparently never left. Ha!

Another positive thing today I've lost 42 pounds so far! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!  I'm so stoked.  Skinny Nikki here I come.  They leveled my thyroid, so I think that is helping out a lot.  Ok off to help out with cub scout stuff and putting spen to bed.

I'm so excited!!!

It's the little things I swear that get my hyped.  I know what I'm going to do for Ceddy's first b-day!!!  I thought of doing a pumpkin patch...then Jessica had the great idea of making it like a fall festival.  So I'm going to make it "Cedric's Fall Festival", complete with games and pony rides...maybe pony rides.  But I want to do the whole harvest homing coming theme in my back yard.  Have a balloon entry and signs along with fair games.  I'm going to have a little pumpkin patch for the kids.  It will be toooooo freaking cute!!!  I'm so excited.

Now for spens 7th b-day I have an idea...not sure about it.  But I'm thinking about doing a rock n roll party.  I was thinking about contacting moms music to see if they have a kids band that could play.  Have all rock n roll inspired favors.  Oriental trading has a bunch of cool stuff.  Anyone who knows me, knows I go all out for parties.  It's a weird obession my family has.  We throw the best parties.

Ok...last night I was beyond freaked out...but I got a message on my voicemail telling me to call my obgyns office for my test results and that it was urgent.  FREAKED me out because I just had my pap.  So I was a nervous ninny all night long...I called today only to find out it was over my thyroid test and it was normal.  I already knew that because I had an  appointment with my doctor and she went over them.  Whewwwww.... scary.  Cancer runs in my family...so I hate the C word along with test period.

I got cedrics shoes.  Too cute.  I need to do his three month pics.  I have an idea.  I just need to purchase some damask fabric.  I aslo need to purchase him a chair.  Target has the one I want...so it's simply getting my lazy butt up there and buying it.

My cat is missing.  We have no idea where he is.  I think he slipped out yesterday while I was feeding the baby.  Spen was the last one in and he sometimes leaves the door open.  It's nuts.  He got out once before, and stayed in the garage, but that was at night time and this was during the day.  We looked all over the house.  This is just so weird.  Eric is upset as spencer is too.  I'm freaked out.  I won't lie, I'm not an animal fan, but I hope he's not hurt.  We are not allowed anymore animals.  Poor spen..the other night he was talking about his snail gary. He was so little and cute...he thought his snail reminded him of spongebobs pet snail...hence the name.  Well, Gary died in his case. Eric and I didn't have the heart to tell spen so we would move him around in the case when spen was not around.  Then we told him we had to set him free and give him back to nature his real home.  Aka, we hid him in the front flowers.  Spen used to talk to that little dead snail...it was kinda sad...and funny. 

Life is a strange thing.  Off to shower...

Sllleeeeepppppyyy...

Ceddy was up all night.  My fault...I let him sleep all day yesterday.  I'm also a little disappointed.  I painted the boys bathroom last night with ceiling paint and primer.  It still did not cover up the spots on the ceiling!!!! 

Out, damn'd spot! out, I say!—One; two: why, then
'tis time to do't.—Hell is murky.—Fie, my lord, fie, a soldier, and
afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our
pow'r to accompt?—Yet who would have thought the old man to
have had so much blood in him?

Ha ha ha!
That's about the jest of how I feel.  So now I have to go buy some hardcore primer...grrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Not in the mood.  I need to go to the grocery today about out of food and ceddy needs formula and water as well.   I have a long to do list.  I need to order the mario decals, and buy the paint.  I need to buy new light fixtures as well.

Eric ran cable into spen's room.  I have some reservations about this.  He knows what he is allowed to watch...I need to do the v-chip thingy in the tv.  Makes me nervous.  Next onto doing his fiber optic ceiling.  Lucky guy.

We are going to put in light for cedrics room too.  I'm debating on this.  With his nursery I didn't go all out because I know we will change it when he's 2 or 3.  I'm sure to thomas...seems like all kids obsess over that tank engine.  I can still here the song and horn blowing in my brain.  Geeezzzzzzzz....I will have to go through that phase yet again.  But I'm not sure what to do for his lights.  I feel bad making a star ceiling for spen and not for cedric.  Granted he's only 2 months and will not know any different.  Eric and I were thinking about putting pot lights up.  His room is extremely dark and it needs to be brightened up.  So we'll see.

We are getting a nice chunk of change back from the taxes.  Too bad it's going to bills. Fun.  Our goal...pay off all bills and start saving for Europe.  We could easily go with this tax return...but we are going to be adult about the return and put it to good use.  Although, it is taking ever ounce of inner strength not to hop on the 1st flight out to Paris.  But we want to do it the right way.  So next years return we go to Europe.  How exciting!!!  This year we will be stuck doing something local.  I know we are going to Chicago this summer.  We might go to Florida or up north...whatever our mood fancies.

I cleaned spens room today..and picked ceddys up...both were pretty clean.  I need to do my bedroom as well.  But I need to go to the store :(  I hate buying groceries.  I go blank and start buying crap I really do not need.

I'm seriously debating on starting a video blog.  I'm not sure about it...I'll test it out.

Spen has chess club today.  He came in fourth this weekend.  He's so awesome.  I'm so lucky.  My kids are not only cute, but smart.  and yes, I'm assuming ceddys smart...ha!

Ok..off to shower then onto the store....

pointless blog.

Something tells me there are a few women out there that need this info today....

I'm not going to go into my story but here are some links and facts I feel some people may need to know...

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily2.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse7.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html#menu


If he has abused before...he will again...and also, control and jealousy is often how it starts.  Be careful and take care of yourself.

Fast times at Nikki high....

Hummm.....ok...for starters. Yesterday sucked. Spen had to miss out on
 a chess tournament because Ceddy was sick. He was having tummy issues. Then Cedric decided to get choked from breast milk and turn blue again. Freaking me out!!! I was trained in infant cpr..but I really hope and pray I never have to use it. I snatched him up and patted his back. He was crying, choking and holding his breath. The joys of being a mom. He perked up once he calmed down. He was refluxing too due to tummy issues. My nerves were shot!!!!!!! So to top that off I got yelled at by a client who did not understand I could not hold the date for her without a deposit and signed contract. She decided to yell at me over the phone then proceeded to call and leave a rather delightful message. The joys of working with the public.(eyes rolling) On a brighter note I had another client bring over her deposit. I'm well on my way to purchasing my braces. I'm going to pay cash for them. I do not want another bill each month. So long story short, yesterday sucked. Eric ended up taking spen out to the movies. They had a good time. I was in need of hugs last night. We watched tv and snuggled. I needed that. I feel great today...ready to take on the world :)

Ceddy is back to his happy self. My business is taking off. I'm so excited about things. I can't wait!!! I need to plan for cedric's christening/naming ceremony. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I do know I want it to be at Duncan Memorial with a reception back at my house. I need to work on a guest list, and hell find out who will perform it. Ha. I haven't been to my church in over a year. I'm awful. I might have my mothers old preacher do the ceremony. As for his attire. I LOVE christening gowns. Poor spen didn't get one for his. I was too poor and he was too old. I'm thinking I might make one. Or have it made. I found two I like though. I have no idea...it really shouldn't be that hard to make. Who knows...I'm going to wait until he is six months. I have a long list of things to do...so off to do them.

Tired....ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

I've had two cups of coffee and one breakfast bar for the day. I think that sums up why I'm starving. I also went to my doctors and gave blood. They all found Ceddy adorable with his faux hawk. My boys are too freakin cute!

I actually dressed somewhat nice today...even did my makeup. Sometimes it's nice to look like a lady.ha. Later I plan on taking spen to his skating party for school. He loves going. I'll have Eric go with me...he's funny, sometimes he skates himself.

My business is really picking up. I've got more weddings lined up for the year...I need to start advertising more.

Eric and I watched Grey Gardens last night...the original documentary. I feel sorry for those women in one hand...and in the other know they lived a wild life. I asked Eric if he was ready to have a wife like that when I'm old. I told him...I'll too lose my mind and be a wacky old lady.

Got my knew ikea catalog. <3 <3 <3 Can't wait to look over it when eric gets home....I've already searched through it. See what ideas we have for this house.

I need to go buy some fabric...I want to make some shirts for Cedric.

Ok..pointless blog.

I...

I was up all night with my chest doing flips. My thyroid is acting up yet again...imagine that. It screws my chest up and gives me palpitations. Fun...eyes rolling.

What on Earth possessed me to start ripping down the wallpaper in the boys bathroom? I started off strong, but fizzled. I need to finish that up. It needs to be done. I was so wore out last night I didn't work out. I did some simple leg lifts, but had no energy for my usual workout. I need to stay on track with that.

I have a long to-do list today. I need to call and see about a trip for the cub scouts. I also have phone calls to return...not to mention my freaking bathroom that looks like Chernobyl. I'll post pics later. The boys will be so excited about their super mario brothers bathroom. Ok, Eric and Spen will...Cedric really will care less. Ha.

I feel really honored to be able to work with this organization. I contacted the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization to volunteer as a retoucher of photographs for them. I was introduced to the organization at a seminar last year. It is truly a wonderful cause. The organization offers free portraits to grieving families that have lost their newborns. Here is their site..warning...the waterworks will turn. http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

I would love to be a photographer for them, but I couldn't do it. Emotionally, I would be a wreck and of little use to the families. I know I couldn't get through a photo shoot without weeping. So, instead of shooting, I will be retouching the portraits. I had to submit work and be reviewed by a board. It was difficult, but knowing I could help a grieving family makes it well worth it. This year I wanted to volunteer doing something meaningful, and I feel this is truly a wonderful cause. I know it seems weird to give portraits to parents that just lost a baby. But these children lived, they were born, they existed. These parents are parents too, and all parents are proud of their babies. NILMDTS offers a final portrait of their little one. It breaks my heart for these families. I know my life is blessed and I want so badly to give back. I was approved today, so I need to sign up for my log in and get started. I hope I can offer some comfort to a family.

Materialism at it's best...

Materialism: 1 a : a theory that physical matter is the only or fundamental reality and that all being and processes and phenomena can be explained as manifestations or results of matter b : a doctrine that the only or the highest values or objectives lie in material well-being and in the furtherance of material progress c : a doctrine that economic or social change is materially caused — compare historical materialism

I'm tired of contributing to the masses. I feel dirty...I feel republican.

I just feel guilty for bringing in more materials into my household than I could ever possible use or need. I'm spoiled. This has got to stop. I say this in one breath; with anticipation of my ikea catalog to arrive in the other...eyes rolling. I've become a consumer to middle American society. I'm a "stuff" junkie. I hate it. I need to live more European. Less "stuff". I've been blessed and yet I still want more. I understand the fact of my shopping does give back to our economy. But I just feel bad for the waste and the grossly over purchasing of goods in my household. I plan on cutting back or trying to at least.

While working on my exterior, I'm going to start working on my interior as well. Spirituality has taken a back seat in my life. I'm not an over religious person. I believe everyone has different pathways to God. All paths are ones own journey. I know mine, but can't decided for or judge anothers. Except scientology, that' s just bs. Ha! I plan on going to see the Dalai Lama. He's such an awesome man with such a kind spirit. I would love to take spen. But he's still too little. Eric said he would go with me and was actually kinda excited about it. The hippie heart inside me swoons. I have a wedding scheduled the next day, so I will have to hurry home. But it would be so worth seeing him speak.

My question is this...what have you done for someone else today? What have you given back? My answer is a big fat zero. I hate that. I have some major changes that need to take place in my life. Not that I'm close to being a mall personality or even close to that, I feel the dark side creeping in. Consumerism is great, but not at the expense of me. I plan on volunteering this year. Doing something that really matters. I have signed up for something, but I'm waiting to here their reply. Not sure if they will use me or not. Things work out how they are supposed to.

With all that jazz being said I have some serious post apocalyptic hair going on...seriously people...I look like I should be scavenging for food with Mad Max or the crew from aliens. I went to bed with wet hair and woke up with a giant mess on top of my head. Funnnnnnnnnnnnnn..............

Snowglobes....

It's so pretty out. I love when it is snowing outside giving the illusion of being trapped inside a snowglobe. I got up with energy today...weird considering I didn't go to bed until late and I got up two times during the night. Ceddy is going through a growth spurt. He's sleeping more and eating a lot more. He's becoming a chunky monkey. Too cute. I love plump babies.

I need to wash bottles speaking of him eating. He burns through them like a Joey Lawrence Woah!

Eric and I worked out last night. Holy Hell that video kicked our butts. That woman does not play. I LOVE IT!!! I contribute my energy this morning to the video. I love working out and I get a high from it...yes, I'm weird. Eric on the other hand...not so excited about the video. He actually did better than me last night. He held his own. It was hilarious seeing us both working out, trying to keep up. We were about in tears afterward. My plan to do the video twice a day. Once in the morning and the other at night with Eric. It's only 20 minutes. I know it will kick start my ass back into shape. I miss having energy and being in shape.

I'm going to cut back on breads and cheese. My two passions. Let's see where that leads us.

The trim in my house all needs a fresh coat of paint...grrrrrr....I HATE painting trim. I'm going to hold off until spring for that.

I finally organized my desktop...ok..I put them in groups and Eric installed fences on it. I LOVE it!!! My fences are hot pink.


ok scanning this entry I just realized you could play a small drinking game with how many times I say "I LOVE IT". Oh well...I love lots of things apparently.

Ok...pointless blog...now to go and work out.

I am so dizzy....

I need to stop looking online at baby clothing and shoes...I found these and I HAVE to get them...simply for laughs...


I swear I can barely stand. It's a nice buzz like feelings...but it's starting to get annoying. It's the head funk I have going on or the start of my period. Who knows. My hormones are going crazy. Ceddy is sitting behind me in his swinger...he's funny. Spen goes back to school tomorrow. I will miss him.

I'm superduper excited about my workout videos coming today or tomorrow. I want to get back into shape so bad. Eric is going to start working out with me. I think he realizes middle age is tapping on his door. That will be a comical site...the two of us working out to videos. I hope we don't laugh too much and can actually get a workout done.

This weekend flew by. I have a long to-do list in front of me. Eric loves to tease me about my to-do list. But those are my babies. I couldn't function without them. I need to make some lunch.

I think we are going to get spen some piano lessons. He wants to learn and it's a great instrument for him to learn. It's funny because Eric always does things big...he was already looking for a piano for him to practice on. I told him to chill and wait to see if spen even likes the lessons. If he does I'm sure Eric will run out and buy him a piano. I guess we could fit a stand up one in the dinning room. I would love for all the kids to know how to play. Yes, I'm gay and would love to sit around the piano and sing with the kids at christmas times. If only I wasn't tone deaf. I have a horrific singing voice.

I have so many house projects this year. Where to begin...I haven't a clue. I think spen's bathroom will be the 1st on the list. Damn, I hate stripping wallpaper. It is so annoying.

My business is BOOMING!!! I'm loving it :) Next month I'm going to run a kids valentine special. I need to get props. My weddings are picking up :) I love my job. I feel truly blessed to be able to work when I want and meet the wonderful people that I get to shoot for. It's a win win situation. I was never good at the 9-5 jobs. A. I missed my family. B. My ADHD kicked in and I got bored. C. I have to believe in what I'm doing, and if I don't I half ass it. This year is going to rock! I have a good feeling about it.

Off to make lunch...

Bored...

Eric is playing wii and I'm holding Cedric. I was thinking about some things and how different people can be. Eric and I practice attachment parenting. It's a wonderful way of raising children...but in today's society most things are either unheard of or frowned upon. I feel sorry for the generation being raised on many of the "forward" thinking views, while the simple things children need are often overlooked. I don't adhere to all the ap views...but the underlying message I do. I plan on raising ceddy as I did with spen. Full of love and open arms.

Today flew by...

I met with a client today. She was super sweet. I love dealing with nice people. Makes my job easier. I emailed the cj telling them I can do some freelance work again. I hated missing last years derby...but I was preggos and I couldn't carry all of my equipment. I miss shooting for the CJ...I love meeting new people and seeing things transpire in front of me. It's actually kinda exciting.

My business is picking up...so I need to stay organized. I'm so excited for the new year. Besides the fact I have some head funk going on. I have a sore throat...so who knows...that's the story of my life.

Life is so crazy...my hormones are going crazy. I can't wait for them to level out. I've been working out and Eric fixed an awesome healthy dinner. He's such a good cook.

plans for the new year...

- get back into shape

- love more, worry less

- forgive and forget...move on...

- redo spens bath and install his fiber optic ceiling

- travel more and get my butt up to see scott.

- pay bills off!!!!!

- no more dining out, only on special occasions. We are going to eat healthy, and get back on track.

- start doing yoga again.

- and be a better person all around. I'd love to find a church I like around us. The Unitarian church might be nice... i want to get Cedric christened. Who knows...


ok...pointless entry...