Feeling the rage...bitchfest blog entry

I'm in such a bitchtastic mood today.  I swear the world is full of assholes and rude people and just my luck I had to run into most of them today.

Current thoughts:

I hate people...esp rude people.

I love how people driving cannot stop and let a mother pushing a cart and pulling a stroller by in the crosswalk...grrrrrrrr...rude drivers!!!

I hate people who live off the government, are on passport, food stamps and drive new cars and go shopping as if they had a job.  They feel entitled to have as many children as they can spit out and not pay one single dime on their upbringing.  I understand and fully support a person who needs assistance.  My bleeding liberal heart sides with these people.  But the people who feel the need to be ghetto fabulous and raise their child off my tax dollar...I am mad at you. 

I have to run my son's cub scout meeting tonight and I SWEAR if this one dad say's any smart ass comment I will not hold back.  I'm tired of being nice!  Be passive aggressive on your own time Mr and leave me the hell alone!  He gets under my skin.  He is the typical suburbanite to the extreme.  Expensive haircut, billboard clothing of any name brand down to his kids socks, and an arrogance that stifles the air around him.  He is the essential East End man who is Father knows best in public, but daddy can't lift a finger out of his adoring public's view.  So tonight I will not put up with his underhanded "helpful" comments.  I plan on letting him know how I feel in a nice tactful way.


Ok, last bitch I promise...if you call me wanting to hire me for services...please please please look up my prices before you call me.  Please do not try to low ball me over the phone or make me feel like I should give you a deal...after all you called me I did not waste your time.  I hate dealing with money period.  But that is the nature of the beast and I will not be a softy anymore.  No more freebies or discounts or I'll include a few more images to be nice.  I'm too nice and I won't be a push over anymore.


I can't wait for Eric to get home.  He's out of town yet again.  He did score a bonus which is nice.  We plan on using it for xmas this year. I miss him. He'll be home soon enough.

I'm so sleepy...I'm tempted to take a nap.  Hopefully, I'll get rid of this bad mood.

I'm such a geek...

 I finished Ceddy's 1st Birthday Hat!!!

I love getting my craft on!  I haven't crafted in forever.  I think I might start crocheting.  We shall see how that fairs.  I SUCK at crocheting, but maybe just maybe I can get it.  My friend sent me some cute patterns I really want to try.

I bought some skeleton pj's for Cedric to wear for his birthday party invites.  I still have to take the picture and make the invites...hell, I still have to decide upon a guest list.  I'm not sure if I want it to be big or a low key affair.  That's something I need to figure out.

I love my new sweater.  I picked it up from target today  I saw a few more cute v-necks I need to get as well.  Slowly I want to revamp my closet selection.  I hate being a savvy shopper sometimes.  I bought the boys new winter coats today as well.  They had the cutest pea coat for Cedric, but it was too thin and once I really thought about it, milk on black...no.  I also need to buy another cart seat cover. Mine has disappeared :(  I spent over $40 on it.  I don't know if I left it somewhere or it fell out of the back when I got the stroller out.  I have searched high and low for it.  I need a new one asap. 

I really should be reading...

I really should be reading...my book club is going to meet and discuss Freedom...aka...the thick read like next week or so.  I forgot the date.  I like the book so far.  I tried reading on the treadmill.  I got through a chapter without falling.  I consider that astounding. 

current thoughts...

My head hurts...I love this season....but my sinus cavity does not.  Meds should remedy this tonight.  Hopefully, anyway.
I want to do a craft with Spen tomorrow.  He's out of school so off to the craft store we will go.
My house needs a maid.  I quit.

I'm disturbed by some information that was told to me.
Some chicks will never learn.  How a guy was to his ex and (ex's)...is how he will be with you.  Take a look around at your life and see the whole picture.  Control, jealously, and excuses?  They are Cary Grant in the beginning, and soon he fades away.

Why do rednecks always multiply?  I don't get it...you blink and the one child has now turned into three?

My hands are cold.


I don't get how people can change out families like they are merely changing their shoes.

A small victory has occurred today that the rest of the world will not know about... all my house phones have been found!!!  I have three.  All but one was lost.  Eric told me to page them...lovely idea...if they were charged.  Dead phones don't ring.  So I became determined to find all phones today and succeeded.  I totally grasp this is a dumb victory.  But do you know how annoying it is to be in the basement, here the phone ring and have to run two sets of stairs to answer a telemarketer?  Of the ones of  you who do, then you must feel my joy. 


It's funny how different both my boys are.  I love them both dearly.  But they are like night and day.  Ceddy has a temper and a rebellious streak. It's in his actions, and his eyes. He is not afraid of anything.  He falls, he gets back up.  He is adventurous.  I know he's only 11 months, but he's just so different than Spen was.  Spen was my shadow.  He clung to me. He was gentle and scared of everything.  I know Ceddy will cause my gray hairs...ha! It's funny to watch the two of them playing.  I think it's a perfect combination.  Cedric will push Spen to be more adventurous when they get older and spen will be the stable big brother able to pull him back to reality.  They love to play already together on the floor.  It was funny the other day Cedric fell and cried.  Spen got scared and started crying.  Cedric stopped crying.  Studied Spen, and then started crying because Spen was crying not because he fell.  He had already gotten over that.  Spen is such an awesome kid.  He's so gentle and smart.  He keeps me on my toes though.  How his biological father is such an idiot is beyond me.  It amazes me how I was ever in a relationship with that man?  I claim I was too young and dumb to see the warning signs.  But I jumped ship soon enough. He's the most selfish, mentally unstable person I know.  Sadly, Spen sees it too.  He comes home revealing more and more of how selfish and immature he is with each visit. That's another story, and one I really have no intention on speaking to the world about. 

**** I wrote all of the above last night****
New update...today feels like a Beatles kind of day.  Cup of coffee and a big sweater.  To get lost amid pages of my book and have my ears listening to great music. 

I woke in a great mood.  Now to fix myself some coffee, and shower.  Off to the craft store and then see how the day unfolds.

I had an epiphany last night...my eyes were opened to some things. I saw something in myself that was ugly and I'm not that type of person. I wrote a private journal entry by hand about it.  Haven't done that in years.  It felt good to get my feelings out and to scribe it out by pen.  A new sense has come over me.  No longer will I be that person.  I don't want to be like that anymore.  I have too many wonderful blessings and happiness in my life.  I'm also not a negative person or mean spirited. No longer will youthful insecurity riddle me with the nonessential fact of it's existence. I'm not playing the game anymore.  Most of you guys have no idea what the hell I'm talking about...but maybe a few do?  I just want to be happy and remain happy.  Finding happiness in someone else's short comings is not the way I choice to live.  Everyone's journey is different.  Our paths lead us to different experiences and different outcomes.  Nonetheless we learn from our path, but we aren't the path itself.  We are living breathing human beings capable of much more then our poor choices. So when someone stumbles that doesn't make them their mistake but rather human.  I've made my fair share of mistakes...and my knowledge to me is worth more than gold.  But that's life...so in all this long drawn out boring banter....I simply choose to be nice and truly nice...not merely for the sake of being nice.

I hate missing calls....

I shoot freelance for the local paper and I just missed a phone call asking me to shoot this weekend :(  I called back within a few minutes after the missed call, but he already gave the assignment away. I was upstairs getting ready to workout...and my cell was downstairs.  Oh well, I'll get to hang out with Eric and the boys this weekend.  Although, extra money is always nice.  It is what it is, that's life....  I need to really start carrying my phone on me at all times.  I missed a call from Airways Magazine photo shoot one time.  I about cried over that one.  Off to workout.

Progress...

So I have lost even more weight :)  I'm stoked on that.  I'm now skinnier than before Cedric.  Still not at my goal weight, but closer.  Having a bad thyroid truly sucks. It makes it 10x's harder for you to be able to lose.  I've lost 2 pounds this week...squeal!!!  The good thing is I'm doing it the right way.  I'm watching what I'm eating and working out daily.  I lift weights everyday and try to do the treadmill.  If not I go for a walk.  I want to be cut.  Not amazon woman, but defined and in shape.  I miss my fit body, but I'm on my way to getting it back :)  My arms are a lot more defined then before...so that's a plus.  I need to work on my stomach.  That's where having two babies will do the most damage.  I've been doing crunches too.  At least 120-150 a night.  So progress is being made.

In the news...
I've been reading about kids being bullied for their homosexuality and then turning to suicide to end their torture. That is so just so sad.  I hate that these poor kids feel they have no where to turn or that what they feel is wrong.  Homosexuality is not wrong!!!  These kids are merely kids.  I wish more parents took a more active role in their kids lives and let their children be who they want and need to become.  I even saw where one boy had his arm broken because he was a cheerleader.  WTH???  This sickens me.  I hate male macho insecure people who feel the need to make fun or or break down what is different to them.  We are all different snowflakes in this water globe and that's what makes it so beautiful.  That's one of the reason's why I went off at the P.E. teacher acting as though it was wrong for spen to cry or made him feel bad about himself.  Kids are precious little people.  Our jobs as adults is to build them up, not tear them down!!!  I will fully love and support my kids with whatever lifestyle they choose.  The hubs feels the same way.  Being homophobic is sad on so many different levels.  Not only are you losing out on wonderful friendships, but your negativity is not needed in this very harsh world.  We are open minded parents.  Sadly, I know too many people that would not welcome gay children into their arms.  Sickening!!!  I just hope and pray that there is more support and counseling being offered to young kids needing to talk about their choices and I really hope and pray that more kids realize that different does not equal bad!!!  I don't understand how a person could find it ok to bully or be mean to another person.  I can only imagine what abuse have the abusers witnessed or been exposed to themselves.  There's a quote I've heard that is very true, hurt people, hurt others.  It's an ugly cycle.  I try to teach my boys that we are all different and it's ok to not be the norm.  People who bully are hurting inside and trying to rectify their own short comings.  It was so awesome...Spen told me he kinda got bullied in the school bathroom.  He said he told the teacher and she took care of it.  But he told me the boy had emotional issues...hehehehhahahaaa.  I was shocked with this coming from a 7 year old mouth, but that's my kid.  The therapist.

Ok...this also has been bothering me.  If I am nice and polite to you, I expect the same.  I hate rude people!!!   I will leave this at that.


I get my new flip camera and portrait lens today!!!  I'm sooo excited!!! I will be stalking my front door, waiting for delivery.  I can't wait!!!

Ok...off to work out.

These are awesome!

Zombie family decals

I want these!!!

It's nap time here....

Ceddy is taking a nap and I'm fighting the urge to join him.

I had to take on momma tiger form today and go talk to Spen's principle.  Here is the jest of the story.  Spen was playing flag tag yesterday in P.E.  Some kid grabbed his flag off his belt before he had the chance to put the belt fully on.  This upset spen because he was out before he had the chance to play.  So he started crying.  He's 7, and I'm not ashamed of a boy who cries.  I'd rather him have his emotions out than in.  But anyhoo, his jerk of a P.E. teacher tells Spen to stop and that he "wasn't going to deal with it".  He then told Spen to sit out.  He later told Spen's fellow teammates to not unfreeze Spen because he will only cry if he gets his flag taken away.  This was a whole lot of wrong on soooooo mannnnnnny levels!!!  These kids are in the 2nd grade.  If a kid cries you do "deal with it".  That is your job.  Second he is setting up the image it's ok to pick on Spen because he will cry if he gets out.  I've talked with a lot of parents and he's had a lot of issues with picking on kids and saying inappropriate things.  So I went and discussed things with the principle.  I demanded an apology to Spen and told her this guy should not be an elementary teacher.  He has no tact nor common sense when it comes to dealing with young kids.  I informed the principle I have been a soccer coach, sunday school teacher and camp counselor along with my husband who is the cub scout den leader for their ages and we would never dream to treat a child like that.  I told her his job as an elementary school P.E. teacher is to teach physical education promote good health and to build their self confidence.  She told me he had some rough edges in the past and she has worked with him.  I told her he apparently has not learned from his past mistakes.  She told me he had a good heart.  I told her that was great, but this is my son's reality and memories he is shaping.  You can't call a kid out and belittle him in front of the class.  I will not stand for it.  I love my hubby to death.  He wanted to go there and have a talk with her himself, but couldn't due to work.  But he was so livid himself.  He loves Spen so much and will not stand for that.  From what I gather this guy is a wannabe football star from U of L and he lives in his past.  It's sad but Spen told me last year that he only likes the jocks.  WTH?  How does a 1st grader even notice that.  After all was said and done today I was promised that the teacher would make it right.  If he doesn't, looks like I will have to make a little trip to the school board.  I'm a pretty passive person.  I'm really nice, and I let people slide if they are jerks.  That's their issues not mine.  But I refuse to have my son treated in any manor other then encouragement from a teacher.  The thing is, Spen is a sensitive kid.  He's had a lot of issues from my ex, and he's a nice sweet kid.  He listens and is a good student.  I will be damned if I have some frat boy tarnish my kids ego.  So hopefully everything will be rectified. I hate confrontation.  But when it comes to my kids, the claws come out.

Off to workout I go.

Because I'm bored out of my mind...

Cedric fell asleep...so I'm killing time playing with my computer camera and screwed it up...enjoy my randomness.. 

                                                       I love my jeans with holes in them!

                                               People never have enough top of the head shots.

I'm over the moon!!!

I scored a ticket to the Lady Gaga and Scissor Sisters show.  Laaaaaaaa...I'm excited.  I have to decide on a costume to wear. 

Current thoughts:

- I have to go to the post office and mail two clients pictures.  I will be relieved when this task is done.  I hate shipping things.

- I need to put together everyone's Halloween costume.

- I need to make Ceddy's b-day invites.

- I'm super excited about my new lens and flip camera!  I can't wait to start using them...I may start video blogging after all.

- I had a good workout today....I might workout tonight, depending on my energy level.

- I have a whole house to clean, and I have been avoiding it like the plague.  I guess I could start on it when I get home.  No fun there.

- Still not done with the kitchen....I HATE PAINTING CABINETS!!!!!!

- I also have to organize spen's class party.  Whewwwww....this will be an awesome Halloween.  Hopefully.

- Missing the hubs, but he's off making money...so I won't complain.

- I really wish Eric could take a week off and help get this house back together.  I swear I feel as though I'm always living in the middle of a house project.  We need to go to IKEA and get our counter tops. I want to put those in before we put up the back splash.

- I need to revamp my fall clothing selection.  Mine is full of stuff that has lost it's shape or has shrunk.  Fun.

- I need to buy the kids more fall clothes, and Eric as well.  He's lost so much weight his pants are baggy.  The kids keep growing like weeds.  So we shall see.  I'm trying to save money.  So this is a hard task.  I say this in one breath and buy stuff in the other.

- Today is Cedric's 11 month birthday...my little guy is getting so big.  I blinked and it was a year later.

Ok...off to post office I go.

Weird encounter...

Ok...I had a weird encounter today in a parking lot.  While putting Ceddy in the car I was loving on him and kissing him.  He's too adorable not to.  His chubby cheeks and sweet smile...you just have to kiss him.  He also has started patting you on the back when you pat him. So I was patting and kissing him for a moment before putting him in the car. So while buckling him in his car seat this man comes up to me.  First thought,  what do you want from me...people are always asking for money up and down bardstown rd., second thought, please don't mug me, then I scan the guy assessing the situation and notice he is wearing an officer shirt and is driving a metro call.  Third thought, oh shit...did I hit something with my car or do something wrong?  But to my surprise none of my thoughts were correct.  He told me, thanks for being a good mom.  He said I was smiling sitting in my car watching you hugging your son.  He said it was good to see good moms, and that I made being a mom look like the best job in the world.  I told him it is.  I also said it helps when the baby is as happy as my little guy.  I thanked him and we parted ways.  I was a little taken aback by the situation.  It feels good that people notice you love your kid, but then it's weird that people actually notice you.  I talked to Eric about it, and we both agreed the guy probably sees a lot of horrific moms out there being a police officer and it's a nice change of pace to be reminded why people actually have kids.  To love them.  It's funny as I was driving away I thought of the things I didn't say.  I didn't tell him, hell yes I love being a mom.  This child here was wanted and planned for.  After 2.5 years of trying to conceive, one miscarriage, bed rest and many doctor visits later, I thank God everyday I'm blessed with him.  I love both my boys and being a mom is the greatest gift I have ever been given.  It's funny I was once asked by a close friend who isn't a parent why am I a mom and is that my only identity.  You can't sum up all it is to being  a parent in a few sentences.  In one mere conversation.  It's so vast and emotions run so deep...I simply couldn't find the words. I know some of my friends without kids think I'm consumed by my children, I have no other needs or desires.  I do.  But I know there will be a time in my life that my little boys will no longer fit in my arms, or need me, so I will be consumed by them now.  I will be there for them and love them with all my heart while they are young.  I want them to grow up to be loving, kind and intelligent men.  So I pour myself into them. When they are off at college and my house is quiet I'll remember their heavy footsteps running upstairs, and tv blaring spongebob or video games. I'll miss the whines and gripes of doing homework and dirty little faces giving me kisses. I'll miss being a mom, so I want to be there for them now.  My husband feels the same way.  He adores our boys and makes sure they know it daily.  Being a parent is hard.  I'm not going to lie, there are days I want to crawl back into bed, or sit in the car and not go inside.  Sitting in the car with music on and drifting away for a mere moment not having any responsibility for anyone other then myself is my little oasis of solitude is nice.  Sometimes it's pure bliss to only be thinking about a song, or thinking about nothing at all.  To just sit and drift away.  But then when I gather the groceries up and enter the house smiling faces greet me asking what I got them is a nice reality to come back to.  Being a parent isn't for everyone.  Nor is it easy.  But I must say it is the greatest job I have ever had!  Ok, I'm a dork and teared up writing some of this.  I'm lame....ok off to buy fabric I go. 

Woo hooo Bitches!!!!

I reached my pre-pregnancy weight!!!  I still have some more pounds I want to lose...but yay nonetheless!!!

Carry on...pointless blog...but I'm full of excitement!

Happy new shoes day!

I bought these yesterday.  Can't wait to wear them!

Halloween!!!

I'm sooo excited.  I scored a vest for spens Halloween costume yesterday.  He's going as Marty Mcfly from Back to the Future.  Cedric is going as Doc Brown.

My 7 year old is obsessed with the 80's.  So this was a natural costume choice in our household.  I have to order Ceddy a baby wig.

I found this one and think it might work.   I'm going to sew it to a hat so it won't be scratchy for the baby.  I also have to sew him a little white jump suit.  They will look adorable.  Eric and I are debating on going as Lorraine and George at the dance.

We will have to see if we can come up with something. I need to hit up some thrift store for a blue jean jacket for spen.  I'm excited!!!!

Totally had an oh sh$t moment this morning....

My oldest woke me up this morning crying that the tooth fairy did not come.  I TOTALLY forgot.  I felt awful!!!!!!  I had a bad headache and took a benadryl that knocked me out last night (I'm a sissy).  So I told Spen that the tooth fairy once didn't come when I was little too and maybe she will come soon.  I told him she has a lot of houses to go to and teeth to collect.  I told him to take a shower and I pretended to lay back down.  As soon as he was in my bathroom shower.. Eric and I jumped up.  He collected the money and I ran and cut out a giant tooth out of printing paper.  I had Eric write a "sorry I was late" note on the giant tooth.  We stuffed it in the little baggy under his pillow with his money and hopped back into bed. It's funny, I had to put his tooth in my nightstand because I didn't want him to hear me up. So we just shoved it in there and pretended to sleep. Shewwwww.....spen later checked for his tooth after his shower and was over the moon excited when he discovered she came.  It was funny...he totally bought it, esp since we acted like we were still asleep.  He asked if I had heard her.  I was like no..I was asleep. He was like, she was probably really busy and had to stop by this morning.  He was happy and the world was made right.  Now, to never forget that again.  The joys of being a mom.

Today, I choose to smile with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair...fall is upon us....

Found this amusing...

                                                                         REALLY?????????

Valley of the dolls....

Sometimes I feel that's where I live..only in white suburbia.

I have a long list of things to do...

I hate when clients won't pay, or put you off for payment.  It just drives me crazy.  I keep learning more and more with each transaction that goes down.  I now require full payment before weddings and with portraits the day of service.  Shheesshhhhhh.  Give a person an inch....

Kitchen pics....

Above is what I have been dealing with.  Thankfully, I have a talented hubby who has the new walls up and ready to be primed.  He proved me wrong.  I bet him he couldn't do it in one weekend and he did.  I HATEEEEEEE drywall dust.  But am thankful the walls are up...now onto decorating!!!

Off to make lunch....

Stressssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current lists of stress in random listing...

- My thyroid...I'm gaining weight, and losing hair...always a nice combination.
- My kitchen.  Eric is about done with the drywall and sanding.  My hat goes off to the man...he did it in the time frame he said he could under budget.  Now onto the clean up.  Drywall dust is HORRENDOUS.  It's everywhere in the kitchen and on everything. 
- Cedric's birthday party.  I changed the theme.  I had my heart set on the sideshow circus theme, but I want him to be able to enjoy it.  I want games and booths.  It would be a waste because he couldn't really understand or participate.  Also, funding.  The little kitchen leak has set us back on budget.  So I changed the theme to a Halloween party.  I'm excited about that now...and a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  We have a lot of the decorations and we can just add to them.  I have tons of ideas of what to do and I might pick up the new martha stewart Halloween magazine.  I'm excited and relieved.  I plan on throwing the circus theme when he's a little older. 

- My business...you give someone an inch..they take a mile and I will leave it at that.

I'm tired...sometimes it just sucks being an adult and responsible for the happenings of your house, life and everything in between.  Eric and I do everything ourselves, and sometimes, it's hard.  I'm happy I have an awesome partner because I couldn't survive this crazy life we have without him : )  He calms my nerves and is super strong.  I'm pmsing so everything is a million times worse in my head then it really is.  I have a long list of things I need to tackle.

Off to make lunch....or get take out...hummmmm.....

Vote for Ceddy!!!!

Yes, I know my son's name is misspelled...somehow it got screwed up and I can't fix it...but vote for him anyway...he's adorable!!!
Vote for CEDDY!!!

It's raining it's pouring...

in my kitchen!!!!!!!!!

I'm so tired...I really think I may go to bed and not get out of it.  I came home today after a wasted shopping adventure to discover my kitchen ceiling was leaking.  Long story short...a pipe leaked and now my dry wall needs to be replaced.  On a positive note....all the wallpaper is down in my kitchen :)  We started ripping it down to check out the damage.  Thank God it came down super easily.  Sadly, if I had known it came down so easily, I would have done that a long time ago.  But that means nothing now.

I'm super bummed.  My thyroid is sucking.  I need to go back to the doctor.  I work out, watch what I eat and am not losing anymore weight.  Well, I am losing my hair.  Grrrrr......I need to get my levels checked.  I'm just depressed over it all.

I'm also so tired of being nice.  I'm always the nice person.  I'm tired of people being rude.  It's annoying.  I pretend to buy the BS excuses or listen to their lies...but I call shenanigans!  Rude is rude...so just stop being rude people.  I don't understand certain people and their lack of niceness.  Oh well that's life.  Off to cheer up....

Damn hormones!

I'm so moody...it's driving me nuts so I can only imagine how the people around me feel.  I was going to take Cedric to the library this morning.  They have a baby hour there.  They sing and play with the kids.  Well, he's passed out in his playpen.  So scratch that off the agenda. 


My allergies are in full swing right now...and my thoughts are foggy so maybe a morning full of babies and hormones would not mix very well.  I say it's for the better.

I need to go buy ribbon and tissue paper.  I'm burning images for a client and I wrap them up all spiffy.  It's all about presentation. I plan on stopping by Michaels and picking up some there.  I also plan on picking up some more fall decorations.  I'm know I'm early, but I have already put up my fall wreath and have been burning my fall scented candles.  next halloween decorations go up.

Dear Diary.


               Heather told me she teaches people 

               life. She said, "Real life sucks losers 

               dry. If you want to fuck with the 

               eagles, you have to learn to fly."  I 

               said, "So you teach people how to 

               spread their wings and fly?"  She said, 

               "Yes."  I said, "You're beautiful!"

Just a quote from a great 80's movie the...Heathers. Carry on...........

For the birds....

I actually have energy...wow.  It's an awesome feeling!!!


Current thoughts:

Spen got all his words correct on his spelling test!!! YAY!!!  I'm so proud of him.  I know it's not that big of a deal, but it just shows that the way we study is working.  I'm a huge dork and we make songs up with some of the harder words.But he did awesome and I'm proud of my little guy. Poor little guy was so nervous.

Eric and I are replacing all the bathroom faucets.  Updating from the brass to stainless.  In a few years once all debt is paid off, we plan on gutting the bathrooms and starting from scratch.  But until then...new faucets is shall be!  We have one more to do...our bathroom.  I swear this house is aging us.  We have painted every wall, eric has replaced every outlet and switch plate, and the theater is our next task.  It needs to be sanded, primed and painted.  Grrrrr....not looking forward to that.  But the finished product is what keeps us going.  My kitchen really needs a match and a bottle of lighter fluid to it. I HATEEEEEEEEEE 80's wallpaper.  Ugly floral/fruit.  I need to work on that too.  It never ends.  Once all the painting is done...that is when I start buying new furniture and accessories.

A small victory in the Pullen household....medical bills are officially paid off.  Sheeesshhhhh......I never thought it would happen.  I almost don't want to say it too loud...I'm sure my body might get jealous and need another ER visit or major test ran.  I swear the cost of staying healthy in this country is astounding.  Eric's simple ENT visit was $200 plus.  That was after insurance and not including the co-pay.  Not including all the tests and lab work I had.  It's kinda sad because I need to go back to the doctor.  I think my thyroid is kinda wacky again.  I'm losing hair.  It's super thin now.  But I really do not want to have to pay for the co-pay and then lab work.  I'm starting up my vitamins and folic acid again.  I'm also going to start eating better and trying to take my meds at the same time EVERYDAY on an empty stomach.  I have got to stop with the stress.  Stress screws up my hormones, and the hormones screws up my thyroid.  It sucks because it fluctuates.  If I go and get the blood work done, it might be the correct levels...but the next day be a different level.  I swear I'm an old lady. 

I need to clean my whole house.  I hate when you blink and every room needs to be picked up.  The life of the wife with children.

I'm excited about taking Ceddy to baby hour at the library.  I think he'll love it.  He loves singing and playing.  It will be nice to add something new to our week.

I need to go shopping too.  I have a list of items, and two stores I need to go to.  Formula, diapers and snacks.  Not quite the most exciting task of the day.  Off to work out.

Waiting on coffee...

Something is up with Cedric.  I'm pretty sure it's a growth spurt.  He took 3 bottles last night throughout the night and then cried for me to hold him. As soon as I picked the little monkey up he was happy and drifted off to slumber.  I talked with his doctor and have been reading up on his age.  They all said a brain shift will happen and he will start becoming aware of strangers and having difficulty sleeping.  I see they were right.  He has started pulling himself up on things.  He's so cute!

I miss my short hair, and I miss my long hair...quite the conundrum. I'm not sure what to do.  I know if I cut all my hair off I will miss it more.  But if I cut my hair it would go blond with a pompadour super short. So we shall see what happens.

I shoot for the local newspaper here.  I once had to shoot a fundraiser with a "local celebrity", I had never heard of the guy.  So when I walked into the room, (I was there early), I had no idea who I should look for.  Well, this one guy walks up to me and tells me what to expect throughout the night.  He then tells me his name and basically introduces himself as a local celebrity host/DJ.  Ummmm....it was so surreal.  The guy was maybe well known among a small niche group.  But the people coming to the event would have no clue who he was.  They were mostly well to do white people.  This guy was so arrogant and cocky.  It made me sick.  I about gagged a few times as he gabbed on and on about himself.  Ok, I got it....you're a DJ/Host.  You're not famous, nor will you matter in a few years.  I was grossed out by his arrogance and lack of swagger.  He was merely a fat frat dude who thought he was soooo cool. Ummm...no.  I get so sickened by men who have to over compensate for their lack of confidence with arrogance.  A true confident man will not have to boast, surely not address himself as the "local celebrity".  He struck me as a guy who would create his own fan site on facebook or plan his own surprise birthday party.  It was just gross all together.  But yeah...that event popped in my head this morning.  It was years ago though, but the guys doucheness is still pretty fresh.


Ok...off to do the mom, workout and coffee thing.

Tired....

It seems lately when I sleep I just don't.  I close my eyes drift to sleep...but wake way more tired then before I closed my eyes.  It sucks.

Date night was nice.  We ended up going to ramsi's cafe.  I ate way too much, but everything was yummy.  It was nice to be alone with the hubs.  We stopped by target on the way home.  I live such an exciting life...eyes roll. But it was a nice change of pace.  I of course had that "Oh where are the kids", or better yet "I need to get the kids out of the back" feelings a few times.  When I go out without the kids I always have that I forgot something feeling.  It's strange how a pair of kids can do that to you.

Spens bathroom is almost done.  I still need to paint his foot stool and change out the faucet.  But yeah..the boys are spoiled.  Eric included.  But they deserve it.
                                                                                 

  

I'm sleepy...

I'm trying to avoid sleep.  If I sleep now I'll stay up all night.  Cedric is taking a nap.  I need to get the kids stuff together for later tonight. 

Happy Birthday Pee Wee.  I used to be in love with him.  I was a weird kid.  I think Cedric should go as him next year for Halloween.  That would be too funny. 

I've been looking online for some cupcake and party goodies for his birthday and spens class party.
I came across these little beauties.

I love them...I think they are cute.  The kids would get a kick out of these.

I've been trying to figure out what to do for invites.  I have no clue yet.  Still working and researching them.

I went to St. Matthews library today for a book and a audio book.  I want to start listening to things as I walk on the treadmill.  I think I might start going to their baby and mommy hour.  I think it would be fun.  They read, sing songs and play with the kids.  I like that library....it's tiny and the staff is sweet.  Cedric would eat it up.  We might give it a try next week.

I have no idea who I will invite to our halloween/ceddys first birthday party.  That is the part of party planning I hate.

Ok..off to get dressed  for date night. :)

Date night!!!

Woo hoo!!!!  I'm so excited.  My lovely friend is going to watch the kids for me tonight and momma gets to have a night out.  Not sure where we are going to go.  Eric struck down the picnic idea.  We do that already with the kids a lot.  So...hummmmm....I want something low key and something that is not going to cost a small fortune.  I have too many projects and bills to pay off for a $$$ dinner.  I'm kinda craving mimosa.  Maybe the myan cafe.  We shall see where the night leads us. 

I'm super proud of Eric.  He did it again today.  He got up early and worked out on the treadmill.  He's already losing.  I HATE MEN in that respect.  They can lose weight so fast.  It's rather annoying.  But he's determined to get into shape.  Which is awesome.  Speaking of working out my butt has to get on the treadmill in a few.  I walked to get spen yesterday from school.  Ummm...one word...death.  I was so hot and tired by the time I got there I looked like death and felt like it.  It was a good work out.

Cedric had a rough night last night.  Not sure what was up.  But he woke up twice crying.  Which is completely out of the norm for him.

I need to figure out what my fall special will be with my photography business.  I also need to work on set design.  I want to have a little set up for halloween pics.  I hate pricing things.  I'm cheap and I hate charging for things...I just like shooting.  I need to buy a new portrait lens. Not looking forward to paying for it...but I need it and am excited about it.  Photography is so damn expensive.  People wonder why you charge the prices you do.  Ummmm....lenses and cameras are not cheap.  Not including all the time you put into editing a portrait.

I had weird dreams all night long.  One was I went to a fictional work in my pjs.  I was upset I forgot to change before I arrived. 

I got spen and ceddy's clothes yesterday delivered.  Eric thought they were cute too.  He's so funny about things for the kids.  He's always wanting to buy them stuff so it was no biggie I ordered them.  I got the boys matching hoodies and shirts.  I got Cedric an adorable hat.  Spen isn't much of a hat person.

Spen has his first spelling test today.  My nerves are with him.  I hope he does well.  I hated spelling tests.  Hell, any test for that matter.  I have bad anxiety over them and doubt myself.  I hope he does well.  We practiced and he knows them.  But if he gets into a hurry writing he makes mistakes.  He is such my child.  I was the same way...hell still am.

Ok...off to start the day.

Yeah...it's going to be one of those days....

Today is a weird day.  I have a long list of things to do sitting in front of me.  I'm trying to gain enough energy to actually do them! 

One cup of coffee down...check.!  Now onto cleaning.
I am so proud of Eric.  He woke up early today and did a workout on the treadmill before work.  He showered, shaved and even made spencer breakfast.  It's so funny...spen is such the little man.  I ran into him coming up the stairs, dressed and sipping his drink like coffee...he looks up and is like hey and then goes back to his drink.  He had the whole persona of a grown man just sipping on his coffee before work. I laughed at him and patted his head.  He's funny and way too mature for his own good.

I have sooo many things to do.  Friday Eric and are going on a date.  I"M SO EXCITED!!!  We haven't had date night in months.  Thank God for good friends!  What to do...what to do?  Hell, just a nice warm meal without the kids will be awesome.  I kinda want to do a picnic.  I love the outdoors and I love food....great combination.  We shall see.

The brakes are going out on the jeep.  So Eric had to take my car today.  I hope it's not going to cost too much!  I also hope Eric can fix it himself. 

I have to call think geek.  Screwed up an order and I also have a client coming over today to pic up pics.  So off I go to clean.

I should be sleeping...

But I will blame the junk food I consumed at the fair for my lack of sleep.  I'm tired, but wired.  I miss Eric too. 

Went to the fair tonight.  It was Cedric's first state fair.  I love the people watching.  That's the best attraction there.  I think the best view of the night was an Amish family using an electric scooter.

I need to clean my house.  It's in shambles.  I also need to start painting some rooms.  But I have no energy mentally, or physically for that.

I'm bored...I need a good book.

I'm so mentally tired.  I just need to relax.  Unplug and do NOTHING.  It seems I'm always moving.  I'm just tired.

Today I had three appointments.  I had to get my wire taken off my braces, then have a tooth filled (my dentist is awesome and my filling in practically invisible!!! yay) and then go back and have my wire put back on.  I'm just emotionally tired.  I was so nervous Cedric would freak out at the dentist.  But he was great.  He cried when I got the numbing shot...then once he saw I was good he perked up.  Then I had to run home to get spen and from then we went to the fair with a friend.  Run run run...is my life.  I need to just relax and do nothing.  I need some yoga asap.  I'll work on that tomorrow maybe while Ceddy is down for a nap.

Ok...I'm in a weird mood.  So I will leave you with some photos I took of my little guy.  He's too precious to not smile and coo at.

Ok...trying to avoid my bed, chores and other nonsense...

I am super tired today.  I had to drop Eric off at the Airport sometime around 5 am-ish.  I'm soooo sleepy.  I came back home and crashed, then took spen to school, then crashed some more.  I did manage a good treadmill 45 minute workout.  I've started a new thing...I will no longer lay in bed watching tv, I will walk. while watching TV. Ok,  I say this in one breath but am mentally already snuggled up under my covers finishing my movie I started in another.

My love is away doing the work thing.  He's come down with a terrible case of responsibility.  I hope to hell I do not catch it...but I hear around my age it's pretty contagious.  ( heh...mild humor)   Eric is in North Carolina.  I'm so jealous...I wish I could have gone.  I love getting away.  He's there for business.  He's only gone for a few days so no biggie.  I just love the south.  That would have been a fun trip.  ...that's life.

I did a big no-no today.  I kinda went shopping online.  The children's place was having a fabulous sale and I had a coupon code on top of that great sale and somehow 50 bucks got spent.  It happened so fast I'm not sure what all I ordered.  I did manage to buy two adorable matching outfits for the boys.  I'm a weirdo who finds it cute matching kids.  Gag... I know...but I still need to go back and buy more.  After pay day!

I have to go get a tooth filled tomorrow...dreading that.  I also want to take the kids to the fair.  We shall see how all this works out.  I love the fair.  My friend and I are going to take the kids there.  I'm a sucker for anything reminiscent of my childhood. Eric loathes the fair...but EVERY kid needs to go.  It's part of childhood. 

I'm currently trying to figure out what invites I should make for Cedric's 1st birthday.  I'm going for a vintage circus/ sideshow theme.  I can't believe my baby is almost a year.  It's nuts!!!

Ok...off to sleep,clean,workout and cook dinner.

I have so many things I should be doing...

But instead I'm window shopping online...

I'm in love with these chairs!!!

I'd love to have one for Ceddy's room.  But the rocking scares me with fingers.  But they are super cute!


I also need to go stalk Michaels craft store....tis Spookytown time!!!  Woo hoo!!!

Laaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!


I need to add a piece this year to our collection.  Each year we buy something new for it. 


I need to get my butt up and work out.  I've cleaned all day.  Scrubbing clean floors is depressing.  But I was trying to get the wax off my entry floor.  Some came up.  I'm such an IDIOT!!!  How I managed to wax a no wax floor...is beyond me.


I think I'm going to start ripping down the wallpaper in the kitchen.  I can't stand it!!!!  It's slowly driving me insane.  So maybe while Eric is away I will.  We shall see.  I should have a wallpaper party.  Drinks, food, and paste remover. 

I have so many things I want to do to this house.  Just the lack of funds is annoying.  That's life.  Ok...off to the treadmill I go!

Men are strange creatures....

Ok...so Eric surprised me with my skeleton diamond necklace tonight.

He lied and said he would have to work late, but he actually had stopped by Kays  on the way home from work.  He had it gift wrapped and hidden in his car.  I was completely surprised. After we went to the grocery he said he had to run out to the car for something. Honestly, I had no idea. But he came back in with something behind his back and I knew something was up.  We had an argument and he was a butthead the other day. Sadly, it was over something dumb.  My lack of driving skills and the expressway. So he felt bad for being an idiot and wanted to make it up to me.  I saw the necklace a few months back and thought it was pretty in the store. But that was it.  I haven't mentioned that necklace since. I was actually going to make a key necklace from an old key I have. He was super sweet  and apologized for being dumb.  he said he wanted me to know how much he loves me and how I'm always on his mind. I told him he didn't have to buy me something to prove he loved me...hell, I'm a fat girl at heart so chocolates would have worked.  But yay!  I'm in love with my necklace.  It was an awesome surprise, and it was even more awesome he did it himself.  It was actually pretty romantic : ) Men are funny creatures, and have awesome ways of surprising you.  Even though they can be idiots sometimes.  I love my Eric.

Ok, tomorrow spen is having s sleep over.  I will have a total of 5 boys in my house.  We shall see how this goes.  ok...off to sleep I go.....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So much to do....

So many things have been going on...whewwwww...I have been so busy.

Ok...for starters...

Spen started back at school.  He was super nervous.  I thought the first day he was either going to burst out crying or throw up.  Thank God neither came true.  I walked him to class like I do each year and he was cool once he was in his seat next to his friends.  It's funny because I put an I love you note in his lunch bag.  I also included some funny drawings on the paper.  Then it dawned on me, I hope he doesn't show these to his friends and he gets in trouble...as funny as that would be, I'd feel awful about it.  I think this will be a great year for him.  It's cute Ceddy misses him in the back seat.  He whines for him.  It's so sweet.

Yesterday, was Cedric's 9 month check up.  I held out yet again on updating his shots.  Mommy's intuition tells me to wait.  So I am.  He's going through a funky phase right now.  He's not talking as much and he has started to throw tantrums if he doesn't get his way.  WTH he's only 9 months.  I talked with the doctor and he told me last visit he was doing things 3 months advanced, and now he's doing things (emotionally) like a 15 month old.  Cedric can play with his toys now.  It's mind boggling to watch him do it.  He's not full on playing war with g.i. joes, but he can entertain himself.  Which is a nice break.  The lack of talking is because he is doing a lot more physical things right now.  The doctor told me not to be surprised if he doesn't start talking more until after a year.  It's funny the doctor also predicts he'll start walking next month.  The little stinker practically ran across the table to get away from the doctor and into my arms.  It's funny being a mom already it's bitter sweet when they start walking.  You're happy because it's a milestone, but then you know you really have to baby proof EVERYTHINGGGGGGG.  Not looking forward to that at all.

I finally got my treadmill.  I LOVE it!!!   Speaking of after this update my ass will be on it.  I can't wait to get back into shape.  Eric is actually using it too. It's funny because I apparently have lost a  bunch of weight.  I am unaware of this having thought i had already lost a bunch of weight.  But I've had tons of people lately telling me I have.  Ummm...how fat was I when I thought I had lost weight? ***Shudder*** to think.

I have to go to three stores today...I'm not looking forward to that adventure.  I hate having to go all around town, not including dropping stuff off at the recycling center.  I also, need to take Cedric's portraits.  I'm such a bad mommy.  I've been lazy.  One step at a time.

Ok...so I'm on this new kick.  I've stopped taking on other people's issues and problems as my own.  I hate and feel sorry for a lot of people, but I can't take it on.  I've also stopped allowing negative thoughts or people to influence my life.  I know duuuhhhh...right?  But it's hard to do.  I have come to realize life is too short to have negative happenings.  Hopefully, this will stick...I'd hate to stroke out over stress in my 30's.

Fall is around the corner.  I went to Joann's fabric yesterday and it was plastered everywhere!!!  I need to go to Michael's to check out Halloween town.  We usually add a piece each year to the collection.

I need to finish my steps...and then onto the theater room and kitchen.  I'm so tired of painting!!!!!!!

Ok...off to workout!

Wake up!!!

I can't shake this sleepiness.  I've had it since we got back from Hawaii.  It's really starting to get annoying!

Ok....I'm sitting here with hair dye on my head.  My red highlights faded to an ugly orange color...so back to brown I go.  But while applying the dye to my head I heard my doorbell ring.  I peeked out the window (hair dye on my head standing there in a towel) and it was the Fedex guy with some type of kid product in his hands.  I had my gloves on...and seriously debated on answering the door like that.  I refrained from doing so and he left the package on my front step.  Turns out it was the part I "was promised" months ago to fix my swinger.  Ummm...after opening it up and investigating...it's not the right one....Shoot.  Now that swinger is a waste.  I will now never buy a product without reading the reviews!  We got the first run model of a baby swinger and it's motor stopped working.  I LOVED it while it worked, but it quit after only seven months.   It was also a $$$ swinger.  I looked on target.com and read the reviews and a lot of people had the same issue.  I hate crappy products.  I called and complained and was promised a new part would be sent my way.  I see how fast it came...that was months ago...and it's the wrong part all together.  I give up...shhheeeeesshhhh.....

I have a million things to do..but right now...my hair is first on the list.

I have to get spen his new school shoes.  I need to go to target...he wants the chucks with flames.  The target by me does not have his size...so later today will be a target adventure.  Hopefully, I won't have to visit all the targets in Louisville to find them.

Ok...I'm going to have a back to school bash bbq.  I need to let others know...ha!  I bought these cute little cookies for the kids with buses on them.  Spen was not happy about that.  He is not happy about starting school.  I'm signing up to be his room mother again this year. I love throwing the kids halloween parties.  I can't wait for halloween this year!!!  Baxter parade will be so much fun with both the boys as will the zoo.  I need to start working on costumes. 

Ok...off to get ready.

* * *rubs eyes * * *

I'm sooo sleepy.  Ceddy and my schedule is off from Hawaii.  I took two Tylenol PM's last night and they didn't kick in until this morning....grrrr...no fun.  I'm dragging today.  I have a million things to do...but no energy to do it.

Things on my mind in list form...

- I wish I could make sense of this spat with my mom.  Life is what it is and people are who they are...
- I need to buy spens school shoes.
- I have the most loving hubby in the world.
- I need to buy new pillows...mine are crap.
- I have to have a cavity filled....boo.   Apparently, where my teeth crossed it caused a cavity on the backside of a tooth...well, since I now have braces, the tooth moved and exposed the cavity.  So come the 24th I have to go into my ortho office have my wire removed, drive to my dentist have my tooth filled, then drive back to my ortho office. I have no one to watch Cedric so I will be lugging him around.  Grrrrr....hopefully things will work out.
- Life is what you make it.  Fill it with love and joy and you will find it ever so present in your life.  But fill it with jealousy, hate and sadness and it will seep into your soul.  I choose to have joy. Negative thoughts will invoke you and soon you will become those thoughts, those words.  I refuse to live that life.  I refuse to partake in the dance of destruction and sordidness.  I choose peace.  
- I need to start working out again...I just have no energy to do so...grrrr....maybe a few cups of coffee will give me the much needed energy.
- I can't wait for fall!!!!!!  I come alive in the fall.  

- I need to trim the bushes out front...but I have cut (accidentally) all the long electric cords with the trimmers.  Thank God for breakers.  I would have been shocked.  I'm so damn clumsy.
- This birthday and anniversary...I want to go to Salem.  My birthday is October 20th and my anniversary is the 21st.  I need an escape.  I know I just came back from Hawaii, but Eric and I need to go away.  We have only been away one night alone before.  I only want to go away for the weekend.  I want to take pictures and see the sights.  I have a weird fascination with Halloween and witches.  Have all my life.  I LOVE new england...that is where my heart is.  We shall see if we make it up there.  I doubt it.  But it's nice to dream.  
- I need to go to the grocery...I HATE FOOD shopping.  Since I do not cook, I go blank and buy stuff we do not need or should not have. 


- Abuse.  It comes in all shapes, forms, words and actions.  I know a lot of people in relationships hiding it or pretending it does not exist.  My heart goes out to these people.  Abuse is not just by hands, but by words.  Emotional, financial, or verbal abuse is still abuse and cause deeper wounds than physical.  Here are some links to anyone who feels they may be in or know someone in an abusive relationship.
http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Types%20of%20Emotional%20Abuse
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Types/faces.htm


Sadly, I was in an abusive relationship before and can spot the warning signs a mile away.  I feel so sorry when I see another woman covering up or making excuses for abusive behavior.  I have been there myself and it is not a comforting place.  My heart is with these women. Just because a partner supplies you with food, shelter and other gifts does not give them justification for owning you or your actions. Stand up for yourselves and be strong : ) If you have to make excuses for behavior something is amiss.  Abuse is not just in the slums it's in middle class America. Unfortunately, there are a lot of men out there who are insecure and feel the need to control, or manipulate their partners to fill a void within themselves.  I know women can abuse too.  I have witnessed that as well.  My heart also is with those men.  No one person should dominate a relationship or have their needs, feelings or thoughts more prevalent then their partners.  Ok...   Phewww......abuse is such a horrific subject I hate thinking about it but is a topic that does need to be addressed....


Ok...I need to go...off to drag through another day....maybe another cup of coffee is needed.