Kitty Cat ....

found.  He was M.I.A. since yesterday and today.  Eric and I were sitting at the dinner table and heard a faint meow....we thought we were hearing things until we both asked the other if we heard that.  Lucky was found in the garage between erics work bench and the kitchen wall.  He is a lucky cat...I left the garage door open all day thinking he would come home.  He apparently never left. Ha!

Another positive thing today I've lost 42 pounds so far! Woo hoo!!!!!!!!!  I'm so stoked.  Skinny Nikki here I come.  They leveled my thyroid, so I think that is helping out a lot.  Ok off to help out with cub scout stuff and putting spen to bed.

I'm so excited!!!

It's the little things I swear that get my hyped.  I know what I'm going to do for Ceddy's first b-day!!!  I thought of doing a pumpkin patch...then Jessica had the great idea of making it like a fall festival.  So I'm going to make it "Cedric's Fall Festival", complete with games and pony rides...maybe pony rides.  But I want to do the whole harvest homing coming theme in my back yard.  Have a balloon entry and signs along with fair games.  I'm going to have a little pumpkin patch for the kids.  It will be toooooo freaking cute!!!  I'm so excited.

Now for spens 7th b-day I have an idea...not sure about it.  But I'm thinking about doing a rock n roll party.  I was thinking about contacting moms music to see if they have a kids band that could play.  Have all rock n roll inspired favors.  Oriental trading has a bunch of cool stuff.  Anyone who knows me, knows I go all out for parties.  It's a weird obession my family has.  We throw the best parties.

Ok...last night I was beyond freaked out...but I got a message on my voicemail telling me to call my obgyns office for my test results and that it was urgent.  FREAKED me out because I just had my pap.  So I was a nervous ninny all night long...I called today only to find out it was over my thyroid test and it was normal.  I already knew that because I had an  appointment with my doctor and she went over them.  Whewwwww.... scary.  Cancer runs in my family...so I hate the C word along with test period.

I got cedrics shoes.  Too cute.  I need to do his three month pics.  I have an idea.  I just need to purchase some damask fabric.  I aslo need to purchase him a chair.  Target has the one I want...so it's simply getting my lazy butt up there and buying it.

My cat is missing.  We have no idea where he is.  I think he slipped out yesterday while I was feeding the baby.  Spen was the last one in and he sometimes leaves the door open.  It's nuts.  He got out once before, and stayed in the garage, but that was at night time and this was during the day.  We looked all over the house.  This is just so weird.  Eric is upset as spencer is too.  I'm freaked out.  I won't lie, I'm not an animal fan, but I hope he's not hurt.  We are not allowed anymore animals.  Poor spen..the other night he was talking about his snail gary. He was so little and cute...he thought his snail reminded him of spongebobs pet snail...hence the name.  Well, Gary died in his case. Eric and I didn't have the heart to tell spen so we would move him around in the case when spen was not around.  Then we told him we had to set him free and give him back to nature his real home.  Aka, we hid him in the front flowers.  Spen used to talk to that little dead snail...it was kinda sad...and funny. 

Life is a strange thing.  Off to shower...

Sllleeeeepppppyyy...

Ceddy was up all night.  My fault...I let him sleep all day yesterday.  I'm also a little disappointed.  I painted the boys bathroom last night with ceiling paint and primer.  It still did not cover up the spots on the ceiling!!!! 

Out, damn'd spot! out, I say!—One; two: why, then
'tis time to do't.—Hell is murky.—Fie, my lord, fie, a soldier, and
afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our
pow'r to accompt?—Yet who would have thought the old man to
have had so much blood in him?

Ha ha ha!
That's about the jest of how I feel.  So now I have to go buy some hardcore primer...grrrrrrrrrrrrr.  Not in the mood.  I need to go to the grocery today about out of food and ceddy needs formula and water as well.   I have a long to do list.  I need to order the mario decals, and buy the paint.  I need to buy new light fixtures as well.

Eric ran cable into spen's room.  I have some reservations about this.  He knows what he is allowed to watch...I need to do the v-chip thingy in the tv.  Makes me nervous.  Next onto doing his fiber optic ceiling.  Lucky guy.

We are going to put in light for cedrics room too.  I'm debating on this.  With his nursery I didn't go all out because I know we will change it when he's 2 or 3.  I'm sure to thomas...seems like all kids obsess over that tank engine.  I can still here the song and horn blowing in my brain.  Geeezzzzzzzz....I will have to go through that phase yet again.  But I'm not sure what to do for his lights.  I feel bad making a star ceiling for spen and not for cedric.  Granted he's only 2 months and will not know any different.  Eric and I were thinking about putting pot lights up.  His room is extremely dark and it needs to be brightened up.  So we'll see.

We are getting a nice chunk of change back from the taxes.  Too bad it's going to bills. Fun.  Our goal...pay off all bills and start saving for Europe.  We could easily go with this tax return...but we are going to be adult about the return and put it to good use.  Although, it is taking ever ounce of inner strength not to hop on the 1st flight out to Paris.  But we want to do it the right way.  So next years return we go to Europe.  How exciting!!!  This year we will be stuck doing something local.  I know we are going to Chicago this summer.  We might go to Florida or up north...whatever our mood fancies.

I cleaned spens room today..and picked ceddys up...both were pretty clean.  I need to do my bedroom as well.  But I need to go to the store :(  I hate buying groceries.  I go blank and start buying crap I really do not need.

I'm seriously debating on starting a video blog.  I'm not sure about it...I'll test it out.

Spen has chess club today.  He came in fourth this weekend.  He's so awesome.  I'm so lucky.  My kids are not only cute, but smart.  and yes, I'm assuming ceddys smart...ha!

Ok..off to shower then onto the store....

pointless blog.

Something tells me there are a few women out there that need this info today....

I'm not going to go into my story but here are some links and facts I feel some people may need to know...

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://samvak.tripod.com/abusefamily2.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse7.html

http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse.html#menu


If he has abused before...he will again...and also, control and jealousy is often how it starts.  Be careful and take care of yourself.

Fast times at Nikki high....

Hummm.....ok...for starters. Yesterday sucked. Spen had to miss out on
 a chess tournament because Ceddy was sick. He was having tummy issues. Then Cedric decided to get choked from breast milk and turn blue again. Freaking me out!!! I was trained in infant cpr..but I really hope and pray I never have to use it. I snatched him up and patted his back. He was crying, choking and holding his breath. The joys of being a mom. He perked up once he calmed down. He was refluxing too due to tummy issues. My nerves were shot!!!!!!! So to top that off I got yelled at by a client who did not understand I could not hold the date for her without a deposit and signed contract. She decided to yell at me over the phone then proceeded to call and leave a rather delightful message. The joys of working with the public.(eyes rolling) On a brighter note I had another client bring over her deposit. I'm well on my way to purchasing my braces. I'm going to pay cash for them. I do not want another bill each month. So long story short, yesterday sucked. Eric ended up taking spen out to the movies. They had a good time. I was in need of hugs last night. We watched tv and snuggled. I needed that. I feel great today...ready to take on the world :)

Ceddy is back to his happy self. My business is taking off. I'm so excited about things. I can't wait!!! I need to plan for cedric's christening/naming ceremony. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I do know I want it to be at Duncan Memorial with a reception back at my house. I need to work on a guest list, and hell find out who will perform it. Ha. I haven't been to my church in over a year. I'm awful. I might have my mothers old preacher do the ceremony. As for his attire. I LOVE christening gowns. Poor spen didn't get one for his. I was too poor and he was too old. I'm thinking I might make one. Or have it made. I found two I like though. I have no idea...it really shouldn't be that hard to make. Who knows...I'm going to wait until he is six months. I have a long list of things to do...so off to do them.

Tired....ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

I've had two cups of coffee and one breakfast bar for the day. I think that sums up why I'm starving. I also went to my doctors and gave blood. They all found Ceddy adorable with his faux hawk. My boys are too freakin cute!

I actually dressed somewhat nice today...even did my makeup. Sometimes it's nice to look like a lady.ha. Later I plan on taking spen to his skating party for school. He loves going. I'll have Eric go with me...he's funny, sometimes he skates himself.

My business is really picking up. I've got more weddings lined up for the year...I need to start advertising more.

Eric and I watched Grey Gardens last night...the original documentary. I feel sorry for those women in one hand...and in the other know they lived a wild life. I asked Eric if he was ready to have a wife like that when I'm old. I told him...I'll too lose my mind and be a wacky old lady.

Got my knew ikea catalog. <3 <3 <3 Can't wait to look over it when eric gets home....I've already searched through it. See what ideas we have for this house.

I need to go buy some fabric...I want to make some shirts for Cedric.

Ok..pointless blog.

I...

I was up all night with my chest doing flips. My thyroid is acting up yet again...imagine that. It screws my chest up and gives me palpitations. Fun...eyes rolling.

What on Earth possessed me to start ripping down the wallpaper in the boys bathroom? I started off strong, but fizzled. I need to finish that up. It needs to be done. I was so wore out last night I didn't work out. I did some simple leg lifts, but had no energy for my usual workout. I need to stay on track with that.

I have a long to-do list today. I need to call and see about a trip for the cub scouts. I also have phone calls to return...not to mention my freaking bathroom that looks like Chernobyl. I'll post pics later. The boys will be so excited about their super mario brothers bathroom. Ok, Eric and Spen will...Cedric really will care less. Ha.

I feel really honored to be able to work with this organization. I contacted the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization to volunteer as a retoucher of photographs for them. I was introduced to the organization at a seminar last year. It is truly a wonderful cause. The organization offers free portraits to grieving families that have lost their newborns. Here is their site..warning...the waterworks will turn. http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

I would love to be a photographer for them, but I couldn't do it. Emotionally, I would be a wreck and of little use to the families. I know I couldn't get through a photo shoot without weeping. So, instead of shooting, I will be retouching the portraits. I had to submit work and be reviewed by a board. It was difficult, but knowing I could help a grieving family makes it well worth it. This year I wanted to volunteer doing something meaningful, and I feel this is truly a wonderful cause. I know it seems weird to give portraits to parents that just lost a baby. But these children lived, they were born, they existed. These parents are parents too, and all parents are proud of their babies. NILMDTS offers a final portrait of their little one. It breaks my heart for these families. I know my life is blessed and I want so badly to give back. I was approved today, so I need to sign up for my log in and get started. I hope I can offer some comfort to a family.

Materialism at it's best...

Materialism: 1 a : a theory that physical matter is the only or fundamental reality and that all being and processes and phenomena can be explained as manifestations or results of matter b : a doctrine that the only or the highest values or objectives lie in material well-being and in the furtherance of material progress c : a doctrine that economic or social change is materially caused — compare historical materialism

I'm tired of contributing to the masses. I feel dirty...I feel republican.

I just feel guilty for bringing in more materials into my household than I could ever possible use or need. I'm spoiled. This has got to stop. I say this in one breath; with anticipation of my ikea catalog to arrive in the other...eyes rolling. I've become a consumer to middle American society. I'm a "stuff" junkie. I hate it. I need to live more European. Less "stuff". I've been blessed and yet I still want more. I understand the fact of my shopping does give back to our economy. But I just feel bad for the waste and the grossly over purchasing of goods in my household. I plan on cutting back or trying to at least.

While working on my exterior, I'm going to start working on my interior as well. Spirituality has taken a back seat in my life. I'm not an over religious person. I believe everyone has different pathways to God. All paths are ones own journey. I know mine, but can't decided for or judge anothers. Except scientology, that' s just bs. Ha! I plan on going to see the Dalai Lama. He's such an awesome man with such a kind spirit. I would love to take spen. But he's still too little. Eric said he would go with me and was actually kinda excited about it. The hippie heart inside me swoons. I have a wedding scheduled the next day, so I will have to hurry home. But it would be so worth seeing him speak.

My question is this...what have you done for someone else today? What have you given back? My answer is a big fat zero. I hate that. I have some major changes that need to take place in my life. Not that I'm close to being a mall personality or even close to that, I feel the dark side creeping in. Consumerism is great, but not at the expense of me. I plan on volunteering this year. Doing something that really matters. I have signed up for something, but I'm waiting to here their reply. Not sure if they will use me or not. Things work out how they are supposed to.

With all that jazz being said I have some serious post apocalyptic hair going on...seriously people...I look like I should be scavenging for food with Mad Max or the crew from aliens. I went to bed with wet hair and woke up with a giant mess on top of my head. Funnnnnnnnnnnnnn..............

Snowglobes....

It's so pretty out. I love when it is snowing outside giving the illusion of being trapped inside a snowglobe. I got up with energy today...weird considering I didn't go to bed until late and I got up two times during the night. Ceddy is going through a growth spurt. He's sleeping more and eating a lot more. He's becoming a chunky monkey. Too cute. I love plump babies.

I need to wash bottles speaking of him eating. He burns through them like a Joey Lawrence Woah!

Eric and I worked out last night. Holy Hell that video kicked our butts. That woman does not play. I LOVE IT!!! I contribute my energy this morning to the video. I love working out and I get a high from it...yes, I'm weird. Eric on the other hand...not so excited about the video. He actually did better than me last night. He held his own. It was hilarious seeing us both working out, trying to keep up. We were about in tears afterward. My plan to do the video twice a day. Once in the morning and the other at night with Eric. It's only 20 minutes. I know it will kick start my ass back into shape. I miss having energy and being in shape.

I'm going to cut back on breads and cheese. My two passions. Let's see where that leads us.

The trim in my house all needs a fresh coat of paint...grrrrrr....I HATE painting trim. I'm going to hold off until spring for that.

I finally organized my desktop...ok..I put them in groups and Eric installed fences on it. I LOVE it!!! My fences are hot pink.


ok scanning this entry I just realized you could play a small drinking game with how many times I say "I LOVE IT". Oh well...I love lots of things apparently.

Ok...pointless blog...now to go and work out.

I am so dizzy....

I need to stop looking online at baby clothing and shoes...I found these and I HAVE to get them...simply for laughs...


I swear I can barely stand. It's a nice buzz like feelings...but it's starting to get annoying. It's the head funk I have going on or the start of my period. Who knows. My hormones are going crazy. Ceddy is sitting behind me in his swinger...he's funny. Spen goes back to school tomorrow. I will miss him.

I'm superduper excited about my workout videos coming today or tomorrow. I want to get back into shape so bad. Eric is going to start working out with me. I think he realizes middle age is tapping on his door. That will be a comical site...the two of us working out to videos. I hope we don't laugh too much and can actually get a workout done.

This weekend flew by. I have a long to-do list in front of me. Eric loves to tease me about my to-do list. But those are my babies. I couldn't function without them. I need to make some lunch.

I think we are going to get spen some piano lessons. He wants to learn and it's a great instrument for him to learn. It's funny because Eric always does things big...he was already looking for a piano for him to practice on. I told him to chill and wait to see if spen even likes the lessons. If he does I'm sure Eric will run out and buy him a piano. I guess we could fit a stand up one in the dinning room. I would love for all the kids to know how to play. Yes, I'm gay and would love to sit around the piano and sing with the kids at christmas times. If only I wasn't tone deaf. I have a horrific singing voice.

I have so many house projects this year. Where to begin...I haven't a clue. I think spen's bathroom will be the 1st on the list. Damn, I hate stripping wallpaper. It is so annoying.

My business is BOOMING!!! I'm loving it :) Next month I'm going to run a kids valentine special. I need to get props. My weddings are picking up :) I love my job. I feel truly blessed to be able to work when I want and meet the wonderful people that I get to shoot for. It's a win win situation. I was never good at the 9-5 jobs. A. I missed my family. B. My ADHD kicked in and I got bored. C. I have to believe in what I'm doing, and if I don't I half ass it. This year is going to rock! I have a good feeling about it.

Off to make lunch...

Bored...

Eric is playing wii and I'm holding Cedric. I was thinking about some things and how different people can be. Eric and I practice attachment parenting. It's a wonderful way of raising children...but in today's society most things are either unheard of or frowned upon. I feel sorry for the generation being raised on many of the "forward" thinking views, while the simple things children need are often overlooked. I don't adhere to all the ap views...but the underlying message I do. I plan on raising ceddy as I did with spen. Full of love and open arms.

Today flew by...

I met with a client today. She was super sweet. I love dealing with nice people. Makes my job easier. I emailed the cj telling them I can do some freelance work again. I hated missing last years derby...but I was preggos and I couldn't carry all of my equipment. I miss shooting for the CJ...I love meeting new people and seeing things transpire in front of me. It's actually kinda exciting.

My business is picking up...so I need to stay organized. I'm so excited for the new year. Besides the fact I have some head funk going on. I have a sore throat...so who knows...that's the story of my life.

Life is so crazy...my hormones are going crazy. I can't wait for them to level out. I've been working out and Eric fixed an awesome healthy dinner. He's such a good cook.

plans for the new year...

- get back into shape

- love more, worry less

- forgive and forget...move on...

- redo spens bath and install his fiber optic ceiling

- travel more and get my butt up to see scott.

- pay bills off!!!!!

- no more dining out, only on special occasions. We are going to eat healthy, and get back on track.

- start doing yoga again.

- and be a better person all around. I'd love to find a church I like around us. The Unitarian church might be nice... i want to get Cedric christened. Who knows...


ok...pointless entry...