things to be thankful for...

I'm truly thankful this thanksgiving. god has blessed me so much. i have two beautiful kids. spen is full of wonder and has the biggest heart. he helps out so much with cedric and he is just a great kid. he has an imagination that cracks me up and a mind that yearns for more knowledge. couldn't ask for a better son. cedric is healthy. i thank god for that. he is the sweetest baby and i know he'll grow to follow in spens shoes and have a golden heart. lastly, my husband...we have made it through so much. Hand in hand, laughing, crying, smiling...we have experienced so much. my love for this man grows everyday. love the ones you have in your life and let them know. happy thanksgiving!

Good news

Cedric's thyroid test came back normal. I'm so happy. It was probably cross contamination from my thyroid meds. It could have been a big deal if he had hypothyroidism. It can cause mental retardation and delays in growth.
I'm so thankful he is healthy. Yay!!!!!!

Hummm....

Cute new baby pics... I'm iffy on them..he looks like a doll...and it looks fake....or it looks whimsical. I can't decide.

things on my mind...

- I must lose weight...I refuse to buy any nice new clothes. I need to lose asap. I hate being fat. I have lost over 30 pounds in less than three weeks...but I have a lot more to go. I balloon up when I'm pregnant.

- Having babies inspires my artistic side. It's funny...I always want to paint or create after a baby. But the down side is I never have the time or energy.

- I need hair help. My hair looks horrid. I need to do something to my hair...but I have no idea what.

- I can't wait to christmas shop. Now...only if I had the money to do it.

- I have so many phone calls I need to return. I'll do that later...I'm having a me moment.

- I've been cleaning non-stop. Cleaned three bathrooms, and my kitchen. Next will be laundry.

- I actually exercised a little today :)

- I love my two little boys...they both melt my heart with their smiles. I'm going to take spen to star bucks in a few for a mini mommy and spen date. My kid is such a snob...lol.

- I'm in the mood to hop in bed and watch the outsiders and eat a tub of ice cream...and a huge bowl of popcorn. But alas, that will not happen...so off to get dressed, wash clothes and go on my date.

The mall transaction...

So today we decided to go to the mall. I had a gift card for the gap for Cedric and I needed to get some facial soap and lotion. We loaded the family up and headed to Oxmoor. We had a good time. It's hard getting used to traveling with a newborn. Especially, if you are breastfeeding. It's an ordeal to leave the house. But things were going great and we had a good time. Just as we are leaving we run into Phillip in the parking lot. Actually, he yelled Spen's name out until we turned around. I swear the sight of that man makes my skin crawl. Running into ex's is always awkward, but more so when your ex really isn't supposed to have contact with you or your child outside of supervision. He knows this, but he was with a new lady and I'm sure he had to appear to be the great father. How do you acknowledge someone who abused you? How do you say hello to someone who made your life a living hell, who physically, mentally and verbally beat you down on a daily basis? Better yet...how do you pretend he's a normal person and that him hugging your child doesn't make you want to protect your child from his abuse? It took every bit of strength for me to not yell at that girl to run. To stay away...to get out before she couldn't. But it's only a matter of time before she'll see his abuse. I wanted to turn around and just keep walking...but for spens sake I didn't. I allowed the two to hug and say hi...even though I wanted to vomit. This man acting as though he loves Spen, but yet could go a whole year without seeing him. How he could have a complete meltdown in front of him and claim his child was a liar and that he never lost it in front of Spen. I thank God I got away from him...I survived. I also thank God the court system saw how truly crazy he is and gave the supervised visitation they did. I feel sorry for spen. I hate that he has to deal with this. But it didn't phase him. To him Phil is merely the wacky uncle he sees at the home of the innocents. He knows Phil is his father, but he doesn't see him in that light. Phil never has been a "father" to him. So Spen said hi, hugged and that was it. No biggie to Spen. We walked away as our little family hand in hand. It just sucks, sometimes my past creeps in and depresses me...I hated my life with him...and I try to forget what I had to endure. So I squeezed Eric's hand in the car and he kissed my hand back...I thank God for my life now.

Baby Cedric is here...

We are beyond ecstatic. Our beautiful little guy is here. I don't have much time for a proper update...so I'll give you the basics...

- I got induced on the 28th. Had the easiest birth known to man. I was actually laughing during it. Four pushes and he was out. Thank God for drugs. My doctor even turned to her student and told her this isn't how it normally is and she makes this look easy. I think my body loves for the babies to make a quick exit. I didn't feel any pain..it's was absolutely fabulous! I did feel some contractions in the beginning but they gave me my epidural very fast...so that wasn't that big of a deal. Eric did awesome. He was loving, funny and kept his cool. He ended up watching the birth, he was afraid to. But my doctor talked him into looking and he was mesmerized. He said he's so happy he watched. He took such good care of me in the hospital and of Cedric. He is awesome. We cried together when everyone left the room..just holding each other and being completely over whelmed with emotions. I love that man so much. Cedric was born at 1:17 pm, 19.5 inches long, and 7.10 pounds. He is so tiny. He's also a hairy little monkey. It's funny because he looks a lot like spen. He has birthmarks on his face, but they have already started to fade. They are just the stork marks. They fade in time. He is so sweet.

Fast forward and we came home...he started to turn blue during a few feedings. We ended up having to rush him to Kosair a few hours from being released from the hospital. I can honestly say I was so scared. Kosair was awesome..they took such good care of all of us. They did a multitude of tests. At first they thought it was his heart. I was so freaked out. I couldn't stop crying. Eric was so strong. He was my rock. He kept telling everything will be ok. Well, they did an ekg, an echo cardiogram and all the tests came back normal. Thank God. Then they did an upper gi. We were there during it and we saw how fast his acid reflux kicked in. Within seconds of them giving him a drink and laying him on his back, he spit up. We were able to watch in on xray and actually see how far it went down his Eustachian tube. Then the radiologist lays a bomb on us...she says he has a malrotation of his intestine and would require surgery. I lost it. My poor baby was laying on the table only a few days old and had to have emergency surgery. They said the surgeon and his team would come up to our room and talk to us. The doctor on call came in and discussed things with us. I asked when would he need surgery...in my mind I was thinking a week, a few days...time to get him a little bigger...but the doctors response scared me to death...he said no...he will have it today. I was freaked out. He told us it could be life threatening. WTF, my mind was swirling. I was in pain from delivery ( I couldn't take my pain killers because I needed a clear mind )and I was terrified of losing my little baby. In the ER there was a really nice doctor. I kept crying and I kept apologizing. I told him it was my hormones, and he said...it's also your baby is sick. That rang in my ears over and over again. So Eric and I waited for the surgeon, prayed and held each other. I can honestly say, I was a mess. I called my mom weeping..made arrangements for spen to come to the hospital. I had as many people I knew praying for him. It was truly a horrific experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I wept when they placed my baby in this huge metal crib...I cried saying he hadn't even been in his crib at home. He has been through so much, he had to have an iv, be stuck a million times for tests and have a catheter after he was circumcised. He was hooked up to 4 monitors. If he moved they would go off...so eric and I really couldn't rest. It was just awful. Then a miracle happened. I praise God for this. The surgeon and his team came in ( which they were all so nice ) and he said he did not have the malrotation. His intestine is just lower than normal. He said he would not operate on my healthy baby. He said he has severe acid reflux. He said if medicine does not work then he may have to operate on him for that down the road, but he said he was healthy. The acid reflux operation is also very easy and common. In a matter of minutes my world was made right again. I could have kissed that doctor...he had given me the best news of my life. I cried, and eric and I just held each other. We were in the hospital all weekend coming home sunday night. I thank God for all my blessings. He has blessed me with beautiful children and a man who I adore and respect more than life itself. Eric has helped me out so much, and never complains when I ask him to do something. I feel like we got robbed of our happy moments home with Cedric, but I'm so happy he's alright. His meds have really helped him and he's doing good now, knock on wood. He sleeps on an incline, and we have to burp him often during a feeding and hold him for 30 minutes to an hour after feeding. But he is my sunshine and piece of heaven. He's so sweet and I just thank God for my life.