So....buttons...

Ok..I went to target yesterday and loaded up on some b-day goodies. It was funny the boys were with me and helped me pick out some stuff. I got a new scarf (which I'm in love with),new sun glasses( mine kept falling apart), new shoes( I can't wear any of my old ones besides flip flops...so I bought a new pair of leopard print flats..too cute), and I got some cute earrings from spen. They are silver chandlers. Adorable!!! I can't wait to get some boots...but those will wait. It was funny because the boys had opinions of what I should buy...mostly differing from mine...they're cute. We looked for some black pants for the baby but couldn't find any so we had to get gray ones to go with his skeleton onesie. Eric had picked out a skeleton hat the other day. Can't wait for him to get here. Spen, is going to spend the night with my mom on Friday and on Halloween. I don't think I'll feel up to walking around or dealing with a bunch of kids.

Ok, my nesting is kicking in...and it's with designing stuff. Eric hates it..lol. But once I have the baby and feel up to it I'm going to paint my tray ceiling a metallic color. I'm debating on a harlequin pattern ceiling. I was laying in bed today and it hit me...it needs to be painted and I love that design. Who knows when it will get done?

We found out spen cannot be in the hospital at all when we have the baby. The waiting room is the only place...but that is full of people and germs and what is the point if he doesn't get to see the baby? Because of the flu season no one under the age of 16 is allowed on the actual floors. I was crushed as well as spen with the news. So Eric who is a super genius had a great plan. We will have a web chat with him once the baby is born. Eric will bring his laptop and webcam and spen can log on at my moms. My older brother will be watching him. I think it will be fun and he will feel included. Hopefully, everything works out.

Ok..off to eat a late breakfast.

Things on my mind...

- I have the most loving hubby in the world. He made me my anniversary gift last night. A baby pouch sling. They retail like 39 plus in the store. I picked out the fabric the other day and he ran out and bought a sewing machine on my b-day. ( Complete shocker because I was going to have my mom make it ) Mine broke some years back and never got around to replacing it. He did an awesome job. I LOVE it. He's so freaking talented. I have enough extra fabric to make another one. I'll make that one a little bigger for when the baby is older. The one I have now is for newborns. Eric was joking saying I was going to force him into sewing them for me and selling them on etsy. He's silly. (The pic is of my testing it out with an old baby doll) I love itttttt....



- I'm about to go crazy if I don't have this baby soon.

- I'm as big as a house...

- I need to clean my house...I had Eric bring the vacuum upstairs today. That's a start.

- I'm thankful for all the blessings I have. Wonderful friends, family and life. I praise God for that.

- I'm scared to deliver. I know I've done it before...still not something one fancies everyday. Well, unless your a sadomasochist.

- I'm nervous about Cedric's health and mine. I think all moms go through this. Having miscarried, it can leave you bitter and scared. I won't feel true relief until he is placed in my arms.

- I think it's fun to keep teasing Eric about a vasectomy. Makes men squirm.

- We have a date for induction set. Next Wednesday. That's the day my doctor does her rotation. I have to go in at 10 pm Tuesday night. I'm super excited!!! I'm not sure what I will do with spen. I might see if my mom can come over and sleep at my house because it's a lot closer to the hospital. I might progress fast..who knows... I found out the baby is 8 pounds something...I'm measuring 39 weeks. The PA laughed yesterday when I asked if the baby was around 6 pounds. She felt my tummy and was like...no, more around 8 something. She also said I"m now 4 cm. dilated, still 60% effaced. She stripped my membranes yesterday too. Not very comfortable...hopefully, it will work and send me into labor. Who knows...

ok....off to clean and then to target.

Happy Birthday to me...

I love birthdays...I'm a weirdo I know. But ever since I was little my mom always made such a big deal about them. I used to think I was so special on my b-days growing up and to be honest I still do a little...lol. It's not the attention..it's just the one day of the year that is your very own. Weird I know. Mine were always so exciting and fun. My mom would always get me hyped about them. It's kinda like Christmas or Halloween...like my very own private holiday. I always try to make spens b-days magical and exciting. We're not doing anything fancy this year. I'm too big to move comfortably and I don't really know what I would want to do. I know my mom is going to bring over a cake for me later and Eric is going to take spen out shopping. I've been having light contractions on and off...so who knows. It would be funny if Cedric came today or tomorrow. Tomorrow Eric and I will have been married for 3 years. Doesn't seem very long when you say it. But to us it seems like we have been together for many years. I have no idea what we will do. Maybe we can have a picnic where he proposed to me in cherokee park. I could get a little walking in too. That sounds fun. I might get some take out and have him meet spen and me there for dinner. Tomorrow is spen's chess club meeting. Dang, this kid has a busy schedule. I'll have to figure something out.

Boots..are my new obsession. Eric laughs at me. I was looking around online at a few pairs and he just thinks I'm silly for liking riding boots. I tried to explain to him they are this falls fashion "it" item. Over his head. He just does not get it. I was thinking about getting me a pair for my b-day but my feet are swollen so who knows. Off to get dressed.

I'm sleepy...

I wish this kid would come already. I've lost pieces of my plug...spotted for two days and had contractions on and off all weekend. I throw my hands up in the air...I give up. Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm really not that excited about it. I don't feel like doing anything...and I don't really want anything but a new pair of boots and some makeup. I did see a cute pair of earrings.

I need to walk today. I might go shopping at TJ max. They have adorable and cheap baby clothes. Depends if I can pry myself away from the computer and tv screens.

Current things on my mind...

-I'm mad that I can't see my doctor this week...I have to see the PA because all the dr's are over booked. I'll call each day to see if they have a cancellation.

-I need to advertise more on my business.

-I need to clean and do dishes...I probably won't.

-I've been super tired the last few days.

-I had fun walking at cherokee park this weekend.

-My three year anniversary is on Wednesday. I know what I'm getting eric, I just don't know what we will do. We're lame this year...and have no big thrills planned but having a baby.

-I wish this kid would come already.

-We bought a pumpkin last night...I'm happy...and spen is happy.

-Spen keeps asking me every 15 minutes if I'm going to the hospital to have the baby yet, or am I going to go today.

-I had weird dreams all last night.

-I crashed last night..and slept really hard...as I did the night before...sweet sleep I have missed.

-I hate dealing with jealous crazy people. For some reason my existence invokes them. Let me live my life...and you not be so crazy and live yours. That would be nice.

-I want new boots...but my feet are swollen :( Not sure what size to get.

-Spens gym teacher is a cock. I have never met the man...but I don't feel that I need to. I feel I can fully understand his douchebagness from the mere choice of language and attitude spen has informed me of. I'm sorry if we all do not aspire to be ex football players and elementary school P.E. teachers. I actually do want to meet him to inform him of his lack of tack and cockness. But people like that don't get it...they can't transfer emotions outward nor feel emotions other than what a game can supply. So my words would be wasted on a wall of assholeness.

-I have bills to pay....rolling eyes...no fun there.

*****I just got an early b-day gift..anthem and bluecross settled!!! So Cedric can be born At Suburban Hospital!!! Yay!!!! I'm beyond excited. Maybe this is what he has been holding out for??? Who knows...I'm totally stoked!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm off bed rest..woo hooooo!!!!

The doctor told me to go shopping,walking and have sex. She told me to go have my baby. I'm 3 cm dilated, 60% effaced and the baby is -2 station. So I've been up and shopping all day. I went to the new target yesterday. It was nice, and I think I'll like it when it gets more merchandise. It was kinda skimpy. I looked for spen some school and fall clothes. I didn't come up with much. Eric picked out Cedric a hat. I need to go to old navy and buy some more stuff for the boys. I refuse to buy me anything cute until I lose weight. New clothes will be my reward for losing weight. As for a b-day gift I think I'm going to go to sephora and buy some makeup. Eric and I can go out to eat and then go shopping there. I need some new makeup and body wash. I do want a new pair of boots too. I'll look around the mall if I haven't had the baby yet. I don't know what we will do for our anniversary. I'm too big to go anywhere...and I don't/can't travel anywhere. So who knows...maybe a nice meal out. I know what I'm getting Eric. He deserves a good gift. He'll flip out when he gets it.

Still preggos....

Still pregnant..still on bed rest. No fun.

Updates:
-The weather is awesome.
-My house is a mess.
-My grass needs cut.
-My son needs to learn some digression.
-I'm ready to give birth.
-I want to put some halloween decorations up asap.
-I'm craving queso.
-I can't wait to workout.
-I can't wait to get started on my business.
-I need to get all my ducks in a row with my business.
-I love my hubby...even if he drives me crazy at times.
-I want to do something different to my hair.
-I've had a bad case of the giggles lately.
-I missed going to the zoo party.
-I have raided spens candy bag already this morning.
-I need to clean my room...but can't.
-I did a no no yesterday.
-I don't understand how Michelle Duggar keeps her kids from falling out of her. How does her vagina and uterus even function..hell her bladder for that matter?
-I need to take a family portrait of my whole family.
-I can't wait to start shooting again.
-I love looking at commercial rental space online. It's fun to dream.
-I need to buy my dad a b-day gift..today is his birthday.
-I miss shopping.
-I hate I can't go to my new target. Sucks. My hubby is so cute...he won't go without me. He said he wants to go with me.
-I'm excited about this up coming year. I think it will be an awesome year!!!
-I can't wait to take my business classes.
-This is pointless. Period.

Up all night...

Not partying, but rather with braxton hicks or contractions. I'm not really sure which ones they were. I was so tired. I tried everything...finally they stopped around 8 am. Go figure. I was determined to not go into labor with the rain pouring like it was last night. Eric was so cute. He stayed home this morning to see if they returned. Since they didn't...I sent him off to work. Co-sleeper just arrived. It's too heavy for me to carry so it will sit on my front porch. I can't wait to put it together. Soon my swinger will arrive...yippie...everything is coming together...ok..off to bed.

Laying around....

So the doctor continued my bed rest. She said her goal is to get me to 38 weeks. At 37 weeks the chance of lung problems are 1% and at 38 weeks it's non-existent. So, I'll lay around for 10 more days roughly.

Eric's dad bought us the swinger...I'm excited. My co-sleeper comes on friday, and I'm not sure when the swinger will arrive. But all major things have been purchased. The breast pump and bottles are our last real buy, but I'm waiting until I deliver to decide on them. I might rent a bf pump from my dr's office or the hospital and I want to see what bottles work well with the model. I also want to see what the lactation consultant suggests. It's happening...and coming to an end soon. I'm excited. I can't wait for him to be here. It seems like I've been pregnant a small eternity. The doctor said nothing has changed and I'm still 2 cm dilated and %50 effaced. She thinks I can make it to 38 weeks.

Poor Eric and spen...yesterday Eric had a bad migraine. He got sick with this one. He does that sometimes. Well, he was too sick to take spen to his chess club meeting. Spen understood. But I hate he had to miss his 1st meeting. Tonight Eric will take spen to cub scouts. He's such a good dad. And I...I will sit on my fat ass. I hate it...it's driving me crazy. I am a person who has to stay busy...and it's driving me nuts. I'm also nesting...and I cannot nest!!! It's annoyingggggggggggg. I know things could be so much worse...and I thank God they are not. I just can't wait to have Cedric and be up and about. I can't wait to start working out. I want to wear my old jeans again. Hell, I just want to be able to bend.

I miss shopping. I can't wait to shop again...it's my addiction and comfort. Online shopping isn't the instant gratification high I love.

The house is staying somewhat clean while I'm down. I'm shocked. Spen and eric are doing ok. I'm the cleaner in the family..and those two can be two tornadoes. But I really wouldn't care if someone walked in the house...it's pretty clean.

Eric's dad and his wife are coming up in november. Not sure where they are going to stay. Maybe with us. We have a 5 bedroom house, and all bedrooms are dedicated spaces. I think they can crash in the basement. It has more privacy and we can use the air mattress or our old queen mattress for them. Who knows. It's funny my nesting isn't so much with cleaning as much as painting and redesigning spaces. I want to work on spen's bathroom terribly. Hell, I want to repaint mine, and I'm so excited to start on the kitchen. We need to tear the wallpaper down in there and light it with a match...I think that might help it.

Ok...off to look for some class info.

Yesterday day sucked.......

If it could go wrong it did. I had a little pity party and now i'm over it. I'm super duper excited I got my pixie cap for Cedric. I'm also excited my co-sleeper will be here on Friday...the baby will have a place to sleep in our room for a while. I know...the kid has a nursery...but co-sleeping is so much easier for breastfeeding. I also hate the idea of leaving a newborn alone...considering they have never been alone during their little life span. He won't sleep in our bed...learned that one the hard way. Spen didn't get out of my bed until he was 3. Ummmm...no. We are doing attached parenting. I agree with a lot of the beliefs it has to offer. I love that Eric agrees too. He's such a good daddy already to spen. Tomorrow he has to take spen to his chess club meeting. My little guy is such the nerd..lol. Then Thursday is cub scouts. I need to look online for some cool graphics for Eric and Spen's "game room". Eric is constructing an arcade down stairs. Joe brought over street fighter ( i think) so that will go with the two other ones he already has down there. I say whatever keeps eric sane...go for it.

I can't wait for the baby to get here. I want to start working out...and be normal again. I think this will probably be Eric and my last biological child. We've discussed it...and with all the problems I have at the age of 27...Lord knows how hard the next pregnancy will be. We want maybe one more child...so we'll adopt. Yesterday, at the home of the innocence it broke my heart seeing the kids playing outside. I hate that they do not have homes. I hate that don't have mommies. When I go there...I think about the little things..like who takes care of the kids when they are sick, or who rocks them to bed when they have nightmares. Breaks my heart. So our next baby will be adopted.

I know Eric and I will weep like babies when Cedric is born. We tried for what seemed a small eternity, lost a baby, and then were told to go on meds to conceive. We've had our ups and downs..even with this pregnancy. From the very beginning, thinking it was ectopic, to all the health issues, to preterm labor. But Eric has held my hand and wiped away all my tears. He's such an amazing man...and I thank God for him. So when this little miracle is born...we will cry like babies..lol. It's funny, with spen..he came easy. I got pregnant fast, and had a fast delivery. I was in a horrible relationship, and I didn't get to see the true miracle of life. I was so happy when he was born...he was my first, he was my life. It's going to be weird being the mom of two...when it's been one for so long. But i've never seen myself the mom of just one child. I come from a family of four, and I've always wanted at least 2 or 3 kids running around. I hate quiet homes.

Ok...I really want to go to the Caufields parade on friday and I really want to go to hubers. Maybe in a week the baby will be here and I will be able to enjoy some of october happenings. I might see if Eric will take spen to the parade. I wish I could go :( Oh well. That's life.

Flu shots..

I need to get Eric and Spen their flu shots. I've never done this before. But considering Spen catches EVERYTHING and the baby will be here shortly, I think it's a good idea. I need to call and make appointments for the shots. I got mine from my ob. I'll probably have the baby before the H1N1 shot comes out. I think I'll still get the shot though. I hate putting virus's in my body. I really hate doing it to spencer. But if it keeps him from getting sick...I think it will be worth it.

I'm ready for this kid to be here. Peeing every 30 minutes in the middle of the night is not fun. Nor is not being able to roll over. I told Eric as soon as I've reached 37 weeks...my butt will be up and running around. I will start walking to induce labor. I am readyyyyyyy. As soon as this kid is born...my work out regiment shall begin. I have gained way too much weight with this kid. Even though I have not gained as much as I did with spen...I have gained. I miss my old body.

I need to get back to work. I miss it..and I can't wait to jump head first back into shooting. I miss that a lot. I miss the people...the action. I just can't wait.

Ok...pointless blog.

laying in bed...blah

ok...so I've been having pre-term labor. yesterday the baby dropped. I could feel him lower. My stomach also looks lower. Well, last night my stomach was doing funky stuff and today my contractions were worse. I could feel pressure and i was having more than 5 contractions an hour. So long story short...eric came home..took me to the hospital..they put me on the monitors and said they were mild and that it's just preterm labor..which of course my contractions dwindled down once i got a room...lol. But I am progressing. I'm 50% effaced, 2 full cm dilated and the baby is head down in the birth canal. He has not engaged fully. She said basically I can go at any time so I need to be off my feet and on bed rest. Funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. I just need to keep him in there for two more weeks. It was a good dry run for eric and my family. My mom came along with my brother and dad. My brother and dad took spen back to my house (he's still home from school with his cough) and my mom stayed up at the hospital with me. I have a few things eric has to buy this weekend. Eric was calm and did well on his practice run..lol.ok...sleepy time.